Patrick Allard - Gabriels Warf

7 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Last post

Thu, 2006-06-08 17:44

lisa h

Patrick Allard - Gabriels Warf

http://www.abctales.com/story/patrick_allard/gabriel-s-wharf

Despite the one hour claim, I really liked this. It has an abstract feel, a touch of the completely unexpected.

Only crit, the first accented words I didn't quite get. Maybe write it less accented, but tell us where the accent might come from.

Lisa

Thu, 2006-06-08 19:15

Juliet OC

am i thick??? i didn't get it - were they Germans?? Juliet

Juliet

Thu, 2006-06-08 20:12

rokkitnite

Typo alert - 'under you feet'. Aside from that, I really dug this. I hope there isn't a logical explanation meant to tie it all up - I love the kookiness, the weirdness transplanted into a mundane lunchbreak. A textbook example of how to use the second person effectively.

Thu, 2006-06-08 22:25

maddan

Everything rokkit says, kooky and fun.

Thu, 2006-06-08 22:41

Enzo v2.0

Typo, I think: "Well, I suppose my mum is from Yokohama originally and my dad is from Stepney." You say awkwardly. Yes, agree with the above. Wonderfully quirky read. Read it earlier, been periodically thinking about it since, that can't be a bad thing.

Thu, 2006-06-08 22:47

richardw

Pretty awesome, the idea I mean. Second person always feels like "Choose Your Own Adventure" books which rock the proverbial cock!

www.unreasonablepress.com

Fri, 2006-06-09 12:25

josiedog

Pretty much as above, i liked the oddness of it, and wouldn't want all the kookiness explained to me. Call me old-fashioned, but I'm not a great fan of the secon person POV though, doesn't really work for me, and think it would've worked better in first/third. Just my opinion. But it didn't detract from my enjoying this short read.

Topic locked