you'll pay next life by andrewsyers

Didn't mind "brick shithouse" - it was how the character described himself, and sounded genuine, but I do agree it needs some work, or cutting. I got bogged down in some of the early back story and setting up the situation, but picked up again with the guru onwards. Great idea. Good story. A para or two could disappear though.

Thanks for your comments. Probably the training scene goes on for too long.

It's Story of the Week - on the strength of the idea rather than the writing, which, I agree, could be tidied up. But it is a great idea - one of the best I've seen in many a long week.

Thanks for that. I will edit it a bit when I have time.