No Name Psalmist

4 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Thu, 2007-04-12 17:09

No Name Psalmist

http://www.abctales.com/story/nonamepsalmist/xylophone

I enjoyed Xylophone. I am always a bit suspicious of poems that use layout in this way but this is totally unfounded predjudice on my part and this really works.

Not sure about

my flesh,
my bones,

I like the idea but think it could be presented more effectively

the good China, zippers, ‘6’ keys, light bulbs, my flesh
and bones

the good China, zippers, ‘6’ keys, light bulbs, my flesh
my bones

but I preferred this
http://www.abctales.com/story/nonamepsalmist/coaxing-girl

especially this line:
At 2 a.m. I have discovered the perfect chaser

I am wondering if it might be better to loose the word 'have'. Unless it is supposed to fit in with " I have done this thing in bathroom stalls"

and

"I havewished it with me in the 15-minute gap"

Either way, I really enjoyed this piece.

Fri, 2007-04-13 09:43

littleditty

Thanks for this flag Jude -i like the voice in all three poems posted, might have missed these three courses, thanks nonamepsalmist, i would like to read more of your writing,

Sun, 2007-04-15 20:19

Midge

Ah, I just took two of her poems for Mimesis issue 2. Interesting to know she's on ABCTales. I think the idea behind Xylophone is fantastic, but I found the execution a little off in places.

My blog:

Sun, 2007-04-15 21:17

poetjude

I've been re-reading these. I like this style very very much so I keep wanting to revisit. the good china, zippers, ‘6’ keys, my flesh and bones Light bulbs are not something I think of as commonly broken objects but if psalmist is trying to say something about light and darkness, it's needed. In coaxing girl, I may also be inclined to lose the word 'toilet' (paper) - 2 ply paper on its own is more effective, I think and what other paper would you have in the lav anyway (except a copy of the Sun maybe!) I'm also not 100% sure about 'to get to work on time.' It works but seems a little bit out of place when all the other references are academic. How about to reach my desk on time. ? but I am still very impressed. jude "Cacoethes scribendi" http://www.judesworld.net

Topic locked