Imp by Bev

Thanks Josiedog - glad you liked it. I was vaguely aware that I was missing a bit more depth somewhere -you've pin-pointed a couple of areas nicely. I was trying to get a feeling of a little old lady telling the tale, but mentioning the age half way through is perhaps a bit too absent minded..! Cheers, Bev

Some tweaks added.. Bev

I agree with JD about descriptions and here are some more thoughts i had when reading. Defintely a story worth working on. Overly long intro, and who is the narrator addressing (if it is the reader it makes for a very subconscious piece), and if it is another character you need to introduce them. “I’m rambling again” if the narrator thinks that what does the reader think? Cut out repetition, don’t write about every single detail, unless relevant to plot or character development Try not to ‘tell’ e.g. “Ruby was like a second daughter to me.” This is not needed as her actions show this, makes the reader feel patronised and again over lengthens. In terms of plot, I felt it didn’t contain the promise of the beginning, almost too laid out. E.g. the glass was on the outside of the window, meant the police would have to believe either Robert or his mother did it. IMO it needs a twist, something surprising like it was really Ruth and she had planted the Imp image intentionally – and rigged up sheets etc to make it look real. But it has potential – needs to be much shorter and build suspense more effectively Juliet

Thanks Juliet. You have some fair points about the rambling at the start, and there are possibly too many cups of tea in there, but re your comment on the plot, the idea was to leave it as a 'was it or wasn't it an imp' mystery ending rather than explain the strange events away. Strange things happen in life and there are not always rational explanations for them.... I'll have another look... Cheers, Bev