Blimey, megan. Scarey.
But why would you decline? Do you want to be a mere bit-player in The Great Theatre of Life?
I would snog all those listed (given that they were all still alive) with the exception of Thomas Hardy who made me stay in to read Far From the Madding Crowd for my Eng. Lit. O levels when I should have been out snogging Pat Chandler for real. By the time I'd finished FFtMC, Pat was snogging Pete Webber. Ah, but who was the one who got grade 3 Eng. Lit. I hear you ask? Well, Pete actually. Life can be so unfair. I would definitely snog Bathsheba Everdene and maybe even Sergeant Troy but I'd draw the line at Gabriel Oak (irrational fear of Foot and Mouth and/or Mad Cow Disease) and that squire blokey. Sorry, squire, clean forgot your name, mate. Well, be honest, Sergeant Troy was so much more dashing what with his flashing blade and everything.
Incidentally, I once looked into my own mind and saw it naked. Exquisite is not the first word that springs to mind. To be honest not a pretty sight - a bit like looking at a road accident. You know it's going to be horrible but somehow you can't help yourself.
Feel a new thread coming on entitled 'What are the constituent parts of sexiness'? I'll start off by giving;
Non-specifics:
Humourous,
Intelligent,
Original,
Attitude, Feisty
Playful, Flirty
Confident (at least to a degree, but not over-spilling into arrogance) and
Dangerous
Being a shallow bloke, I have to say looking like a million dollars doesn't hurt but it's not as far up the list as you might imagine.
Specifics:
Plays 'footsie' under restaurant table on first date
'Absent-midedly' fondles neck of champagne bottle like it ain't a champagne bottle (second date, obviously - it's only etiquette, you know)
Sneaks up behind you and pinches bum while you're choosing lunchtime sandwich from M & S deli-bar.
Sends 'earthy' text messages about what she's gonna do to you later while your in v. important meeting
Kisses back of your neck while your watching important footie match. But just once, then leaves you alone.
Replies 'I know' when you tell her she's beautiful - see 'confidence' thing above.
Tells you exactly what she's gonna do to you in bed - then does it.
If I can just have one from each list it would be 'Humourous' and the 'Tells you what she'll do in bed' thing.
I started to answer this and then realised I was in danger of being lynched by half the membership. I'll just say that of famous female writers, they don't tend to be lookers. (Or perhaps they don't have their photos on dust jackets like men, for fear of not being taken seriously)
Rowling, obviously and Nigella Lawson (I'm sure she writes some of the words).
Susan Cooper from the Dark is Rising - don't know what she looks like, but she writes quite passionately. Likewise Dianne Wynne Jones.
It is always shameful when I scan my bookshelves, just how much of it is dominated by men. Not a conscious decision and when a feminist girlfriend pointed it out years ago, I was mortified.
I tend to find female published authors fall into one of three categories at present Chick-lit (yuck) historical (yuck) or the intense brooding dense novels (Byatt et al, also yuck). I would read more female authors if I could find ones that I liked. In crime and childrens fiction (which I do like) the women authors are generally superior.
Aaah - that's really sweet.
I'd agree with these and add/amend as follows:
Cynical (in a dry humorous way)
Intelligent without being pretentious
Able to hold an entirely innocent conversation out loud while your eyes are having an entirely different one that would probably be illegal in 15 states
Dangerous but not violent
... and being a shallow bird, I have to say that size *does* matter but it's not as far up the list as you might imagine :-)
Specifics:
Whispers dirty somethings in your ear when you're otherwise engaged
Kisses your neck when you're on the phone to your mum
Comes up behind you and strokes your hair when you're working for the fifteenth night in a row on the computer (then makes a cup of tea)
One from each list - hmm - has to be the eye conversation and the neck kissing
Just another list I can't resist joining. I'm allowing myself my usual three picks, which are:
Dorothy Parker (see thread of same name for comprehensive guide to Dottie P. and her sexiness.
Sylvia Plath - never seen her but anybody full of that much angst must be sexy. Don't ask me to justify this - I just kind of feel it in my bones.
Angela Carter - she can work a bit of Magic Realism on me any day she likes. I've never seen her, either but when choosing sexy women eliminating the obvious physical stuff is a big advantage.
It's just occurred to me these three are all dead. So just in case anyone gets the wrong idea - necrophilia is a nasty word (and hard to spell also) - now I'm gonna allow myself three live ones. At least, they were the last time I checked.
Ercia Jong - pretty damn obvious when you think about it. Am I allowed to mention the concept of 'The Zipless @!#$' or will that get censored? It'll get censored, won't it? Pathetic.
Isabelle Allende - just as obvious I hear you cry. Hot Latin lady. Who could resist?
Joyce Carol Oates - if you like that type of thing and I do.
A A Gill - he's full of bile but clever and very snoggable. I used to like Martin Amis (then I grew up). Peter Hoeg (Miss Smilia's Liking For Snow) is all chunky sweaters and dancer's body. John Donne and Bryon might be good for a midnight swim. I think poets can dance and tantalise with their words and become beautiful, despite their features.
Any poet then. One digestive biscuit and I'm a gonna for a sonnet.......
Shane McGowan's got rotten teeth and a bad habit, Fey, don't you think?
You say, Andrew, that you'd read more female authors if you could find ones that you liked...
What about Margaret Drabble? Iris Murdoch? Daphne du Maurier? Alice Hoffman? Marilyn French? Nancy Mitford? Deborah Moggach? Simone de Beauvoir et al?
Not lookers, maybe (although they might be/have been, for all I know) but they sure as hell could write...
He ain't funny, Fey, he's just pissed (in my opinion, anyway). Sad. Not funny at all.
Like 'Dirty Old Town', though...(despite the slur).
And, believe me, I know that looks aren't everything...
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