Hello
Wed, 2005-11-02 15:25
#1
Hello
Hi, I signed up yesterday, and have posted the first three chapters of a novel - be good to see what people think of it.
tcook
Welcome!
It's always best to comment on some other work on here, join in and then you will comments back!
Jack Cade
Can't get into the first chapter due to profanity detector here. Read the second - and I liked the voice. Very readable and cleanly written. I didn't buy that the man on the stall would go into so much detail about his life though. Wish I could read the first chapter so I can understand what's going on - as it is, I've no idea why Craig is so interested in this guy. I know he questions this himself, but he doesn't really offer a solid answer.
You could do with spacing it out more for online consumption. Very dense.
Maybe you need to explain to readers the meaning of 'mzungu' (Swahili for 'foreigner' isn't it?)
NigelTLegg
mzungu - yes, does occur in Swahili, also most other southern / Eastern African Bantiu languages, and officially/literally means foreigner, but in general use means white man.
Would definitely make some more sense if you could read the first chapter, not sure that it actually has any more profanity in it than the second??