Freshly washed new guy - Ladder

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Wed, 2007-01-31 20:21

Anonymous

Freshly washed new guy - Ladder

Hi, I am very new to all this, and was looking for some independant feedback. I would be very greatful of any comments. I would hope it would not be a complete waste of time. Yet, if you find it to be so, communicating such would also be of great benifit.

I don't know if anyone else has found that, although friends and family are precious and kind when it comes to feed back, one yearns for someone one does not know to offer something damning. (Or indeed validation).

ladder part 1
The original piece, written as an experiment. Less than 1000 words. Trying my hand.
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http://www.abctales.com/node/559966
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part 2. I don't consider it to be good, but I was trying a different voice and different point of view.
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http://www.abctales.com/node/559970
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part 3. An entierly different view on the above events, trying a third voice.
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http://www.abctales.com/node/559969
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Thank you so much.

Wed, 2007-01-31 22:44

josiedog

I like the idea Phil. I thought, maybe edit the three pieces down into one single piece though. The squirrel piece would be better for being a bit more casual, for me. More of a rascal... Welcome to the site by the way.

Thu, 2007-02-01 08:41

Phil_harvey

Thanks josiedog. I wrote 'ladder' as a stand alone thing, (based on reading the advice 'put a man up a tree, throw rocks at him, get him down' and deciding to take it literally). Then it was suggested that I write some other points of view on the same story. It ended up as 'him','her' and the Cat. Thank you very much for your comments. So far I have read two of yours and liked them very much.

Thu, 2007-02-01 11:50

Moimo

Welcome to the site Phil. like josie I liked the idea, and also think it would be better as a single piece. Perhaps start from the cats version and then intermingle the other two. I noticed a few typo errors in the second piece. Good bit of writing though. Craig

Thu, 2007-02-01 14:52

Phil_harvey

Hi Craig, thanks for your comments. I better go on another hunt for typos....editing your own stuff is so tricky.... :) These were kind of 'practice' pieces, trying different voices on. Maybe I should put them together into one'final' thing. Interspersing the paragraphs and the like. I had a real problem with 'her' voice, someone said 'she has no redeeming features'. Which is true, cos I really did not like her when I wrote her. :) PS..I am just having a browse of your writing....getting ready to dive in. A little tip, name your stories ch01,ch02 etc that way they will order nicely in the list (if abc does not knock off leading 0s). At the moment it goes ch1,ch10,ch11...then later ch2. etc.

Thu, 2007-02-01 15:03

lisa h

I quite enjoyed this. There are three typos that I found - two sets of words swapped around and I think rout has an 'e' on the end. They were in Her (I think, I just read them all, and they're kind of mashed in my head. Yes, to agree with the others, this should be one piece, but for ease of reading on the computer, having it split into three shorter pieces makes for better reading (for me, at least). Welcome to the site, and I look forward to more of your work. Lisa

Thu, 2007-02-01 15:04

lisa h

Also, on 'Her' and not liking the voice - not everyone is nice!

Thu, 2007-02-01 21:14

Phil_harvey

Hi Lisah. Thanks for your comments. There is one more thing of mine floating about called Eggs. It is, however completly different from the items posted here. Personally I prefer Eggs, but it is a bit more 'out there'. It is true that 'not everyone is nice' but for 'her' to have no redeeming features makes it hard for someone to find a hook to want to read about her. I know for sure she had no hook for me to write about her. I like the Cat, but I wanted to work on the language to make sure it was 'catlike' enough.

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