Culkin Dead Shock! Police Hunt Owl.

Reuters Friday 17.13

The evil Macaw, Lee Culkin has been found dead in mysterious circumstances at The Rookery. Local CID have not yet ruled out foul play. A spokesperson stated that they were keeping an open mind while several leads were being followed up.

Culkin, owned and trained by Andy ‘Warhol’ Pack, had his fifteen minutes of fame in the Web Soap - a programme that eventually died of it’s own apathy. Despite many attempts by the scriptwriters to kill off the Macaw, unknown to them, Lee Culkin had secretly negotiated a clause guaranteeing him an appearance in nearly every episode.

Since the demise of the soap Culkin has rarely been out of the public eye, popping up in the most surprising of places and generally getting on peoples tits. He was last seen at the trendy internet cafe ‘ Ta Chucks’ before running off with the pussycat.

A source at Ta Chucks claimed that the owl was wanted for questioning by the police whilst an article in the Albatross Times will tomorrow claim that a small Atlantic sea bird was involved. Staff were unable to corroborate this rumour however.

A doctor at the rookery said,off the record, that the conspiracy theories would run and run but the simple truth was that the Macaw had died by choking on too much thread!

Mr Pack was unavailable for comment but was said to be consumed with grief, wandering in a daze around his Lincoln HQ clutching a brightly coloured feather muttering "Lee.... oh Lee...".