Loneliness & I by emily741

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Tue, 2006-04-25 17:49

Just wanted to say that these writings are filled with so much sadness that I could actually feel the pain. I feel quite helpless - they sound so real? Anyone else feel this when reading these?

Wed, 2006-04-26 18:58

Juliet OC

http://www.abctales.com/story/emily741/loneliness-and-i http://www.abctales.com/story/emily741/how-a-family-is-supposed-to-be both the pieces have some wonderful observations - those as yet they are a bit rough around the edges. 'how a family is supposed to be' has a moving last paragraph. i know these are autobiographical but a bit of editing and tweaking of some lines, e.g. where you use similar words or phrases close together, would improve these further. Juliet

Juliet

Wed, 2006-04-26 23:17

(Reply to #2) #3

sky

hi - I agree Juliet about the editing bits - I forgot to mention the poems by emily741 - I think they got to me more than the story. They were very sad - don't know why I felt the pain. Too real.

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