Part 8 - How to navigate Faith and Social Systems?

Question Eight – Traditionally, faith systems and social systems prefer women in a ‘paired off’ state. How have you navigated such thoughts and spaces?

Donna

I’m lucky that neither my family or my faith system has pressured me in any way.

Alyss,

I have learnt to keep quiet. I have sat in prayer circles where families with children are prayed for, as that’s what people believe in and that’s what the Bible calls for. The social system of holiday costs for people sharing, makes travelling single expensive, which doesn’t feel fair. Weddings where partners sit with each other is a norm, which it should be. It’s still a tough space to navigate. Meals are buy two and get a reduction. Restaurants set up for meals for pairs. The world is set up for going two by two. You can’t fight a system, and often the system has become what it is for reasons that suit the majority. It is what it is.

CJ

I am an independent person and these things do not affect me. I would rather be single than be stuck in an unhappy relationship to please others.

Alexa

I’ve found other single women to hang out with. 

KA

I’ve never had to, really. I am who I am. It’s not like I haven’t tried and experienced the whole ‘pairing off’ state, and the demise of such a state was not my fault in either case. Anyone who passes judgement on those who a) are not ‘paired off’ or b) don’t have children, are naïve and short-sighted – they have No idea what Journey that person may have travelled to lead them to be in their Singular Solitary State.

NH

Society’s expectations are very pressuring, and I have had to make my peace with the fact that this won’t change.  As a Christian I have struggled to reconcile my situation with what is seen as the “ideal” in a Christian setting.  A lot of emphasis is placed on the importance of the family unit comprising of parents and children.  As a teenager in the Church it is a given that everyone should marry.  I think that perhaps elders in the church have not recognised the importance of acknowledging that not everyone will marry.  And that that too is God’s Will!  Only very recently I have had some encouragement from my faith around this point.  I attended a very powerful annual Women’s Conference where the guest speaker was a single woman in her late 30s/early 40s.  She spoke from the book of Revelation where it describes the Church as the bride of Christ.  A very strange image for those who haven’t read the Bible, I know!  What I suddenly came to see through this teaching is that I was not created primarily for romantic relationships, or friendships, but very specifically to have a relationship with my Creator.  All other relationships are secondary to that.  Of course, this runs contrary to everything that we hear and see and read in life, but it has given me so much comfort to know that the best relationship is the one that I have with my Lord, and it will endure forever.

Lizanne

It’s tough making friends with married ladies, as often, they see my singleness as a threat to their own marriages. I feel that society still looks down on single women as if there is something wrong with them and that is why they are single, or that they are the reason the marriage didn’t work etc.

Being an older single lady is tough, but there are so many of us out there. We just tend to hide and self-isolate.

C.B.

I have found that there are areas of society that prefer couples, however, I avoid those and focus on sport instead where each person is accepted for their own skills and motivation.