I know the affair was hard on you lass. It nearly did for us, didn’t it? I’ll never forget those months after you threw me out. I swore to you then that I’d never be unfaithful again. Twenty year ago that was. You took me back, and aye, you’ve never let me forget what I did. The trust was never quite there again, was it? But I kept my promise. I never strayed. It was only that one time.
I haven’t always been honest with you though. There are just a couple of little things that I want to get off my chest. I’ll rest easier for the telling` and `appen you will too.
You remember three years ago when you found that three hundred quid in the shed? I said that it was a special bonus from work and I’d hidden it there because I wanted to surprise you with a new washing machine.
Aye, well, I lied.
I won it on the horses. You didn’t hold with gambling and you caught me fair `n` square. That’s not the end of it though. If you hadn’t found me out I’d not have bought the washer, it was hidden there for a couple of sneaky pints with the lads every Friday on the way home from work. I always had a bit put by that you didn’t know about.
And you know how you make me that shepherd’s pie `cos I said it was just like me ma’s? I used to feed it to the dog. I hated it when me ma made it and I hate it still. But the food thing doesn’t end there. I know you try and feed me a healthy lunch love. But hell fire I’m a working man. I have an appetite, you know. You could never understand why I never lost any weight. For twenty years you’ve done my pack up, cheese or ham butties, a yoghurt, packet of crisps and an apple. Two sweaty butties and yoghurt aren’t enough to keep a man going all day. I used to eat them, force them down like, but I was always still hungry by afternoon break. For years now I’ve been throwing the pack up in the bin on site and going to the chippy. I couldn’t face another soggy butty lass, just couldn’t do it.
Sometimes when you asked me to get up and let the dog out I’d pretend to be asleep.
I didn’t like that flowery dress you bought at Christmas.
The burn in the jumper you knit me? It wasn’t an accident.
The Dog didn’t break your pot ballet dancer, it was me.
I hid your cook book so that you couldn’t try out any more new recipes on me.
Sometimes I left the toilet seat up on purpose. I didn’t like you getting at me about it.
It was me who put the extra pieces into your jig-saw every time you went out, we didn’t have a ghost.
And sometimes when I made the tea …I couldn’t be bothered warming the pot first.
But you know what I really want you to know darlin`?
I never did appreciate you.
I miss you love. I’d eat your soggy butties now and I’d warm the pot every time if I could just have you home. Hell, I’d even put the toilet seat down, who says an old man can’t be house trained?
I’ve brought you these flowers look, the yellow will stand out against the black stone.
I miss you.