White silver streaks
Shadows dance and shadows fleet
One with the night
Her embrace so sweet
Chills ageless shallow cheeks
Steadfast, yet patiently he seeks
Through back alley and busy street
Insatiable hunger at its peak
He is nobility
Hunting not the meek
Perhaps a fair maiden
A gilded young lad
The next must outclass
The whore he last had
Her blood was warm
Brief company not bad
He grows impatient
Half a night lost
Could take anyone
Yet, is it worth the cost
Alas, a perfect doth appear
Tis you my friend?
No need to fear
It all ends swift
As you shed a crimson tear
Comments
Linda Wigzell Cress | August 5, 2012 - 10:38
Hi Bryan. A powerful poem, the menacing tone comes across well. I note the lack of punctuation, which aids the flow, but I think you might consider a ? at the end of the second to last stanza, which not only clarifies the meaning but would give a small dramatic pause before the killer takes up the pace again and moves swiftly on to his next victim. A good read.
Linda
Parson Thru | August 5, 2012 - 10:56
Hi Bryan. Very Gothic, but timeless in a way too. I also like the detached style you have written it in. Nice flow, too. Enjoyed.
Bryan Skylar | August 6, 2012 - 04:15
Thanks, Linda. I took your fine advice on adding the question mark. I'm pleased that you enjoyed the poem. If you have anything you'd like for me to read just ask.
Bryan Skylar | August 6, 2012 - 04:17
Hello, Parson. I agree with you that it can be Gothic, but also timeless as well. It pleases me that you enjoyed it. If you have anything you'd like for me to read of yours just tell me. ;)
Natalia | August 6, 2012 - 05:12
Great poem! Very moving, and when I say this I don't mean moving as in sad, but moving as in stirring thoughts. Well done.