Your mother, she wanted peace
But your brother, he wanted war,
So they put a gun in his hand
Told him what he was fighting for.
Truth be told he didn't care,
All he wanted was the fight;
Give it to those damn infidels;
He’d show them who was right.
"How dare they blow up our towns?
How dare they kill our kids?"
But after the canvas and the sand
We won't admit the wrongs we did.
Vengeance is a mighty word,
If you feel you've got it right,
But if you finally make it home, boy,
Will you sleep at night?
You carry your Wrath with you
Always clean, oiled and fully loaded,
And the bombs they build out of revenge
Come ready to be exploded.
Your mother, she wants him home
But the truth is, he's long gone
And you'll line up for your own cause
To right your family's wrong.
Another to bear the battle flag
To fight and die and make them proud
A medal of valour and a floral wreath
And, at dawn, a salute, to Taps sound.
You carry your Righteousness with you
Always fully loaded, clean and oiled.
The angels sing like ricochets
While you keep your fears tightly coiled.
Comments
mykle | August 12, 2008 - 08:28
A good, strong poem, Dynamaso.
To be honest I quite like the look of your chap, Kevin Rudd, he's seems to be kind of what we hoped Brown might be but wasn't.
mykle | August 12, 2008 - 08:55
Oops, I'm echoing again :O)
Doeslittle | August 12, 2008 - 17:34
This is really good. I liked the wrath / righteousness as a gun metaphor, cleaned and oiled - excellent.
Dynamaso | August 13, 2008 - 01:45
Mykle, thanks for your comments, mate. As for Kevin, I like him so much I voted for him. I just hope he doesn't become a watered-down version of the man we saw before the elections. This seems to happen more and more these days.
Doeslittle, thanks to you too. I originally wrote this as song lyrics but could never find the right tune.
Macjoyce | August 13, 2008 - 10:21
I particularly like the choruses with their wrath-guns and revenge-bombs.
It's a passionate and engaging poem, but I think you could work a bit more on your metre and scansion, as some of the lines are too long and stick out, I feel.
What's "Taps sound"?
www.myspace.com/norwichfacetransplant
Dynamaso | August 13, 2008 - 13:59
Mac, thanks for your considered comments, mate. My biggest problem - self-editing - is somehing I'm trying to address. You've nailed the problems with this well.
'Taps' is a regimental song played at funerals for American soldiers. The reason I've used it in this was because I wrote this from a son's perspective after reading about an American mother who lost her two sons in fighting in Iraq.
chelseyflood | August 13, 2008 - 17:21
This is good stuff Dynasmo. A strong opener, pulled me in straight away.
I like the title as it makes it general, this could be any boy, but does it need to be all one word? Makes it sound a bit like he's a superhero whereas the tone suggests the opposite. Just a thought...
I could really hear this in my head as I read it and think it would work well as a performance piece.
Dynamaso | August 14, 2008 - 01:21
Chelsey, thanks for commenting. As for the title, I meant for it to sound kind of superhero-ish as a lot of young men, particularly those who actually want to go off and fight in wars, think they are never going to get hurt or die. The reality, as we all know, is vastly different.
I've spent countless hours on stage as a musician, but not a single second as a poet. It is something I've never considered but might do now. Thanks :)