Santa, the cretin

They say Santa’s skin is soft
His hair is white
But the Santa I’ve seen has been careless with his razor
The hair I’ve seen flowing in wisps from his head is grey and slight
They say his sleigh is red and piled to the brim with presents
But just the other day
I saw his ‘Sleigh’
He lives in a council flat
His ‘presents’ are just rubbish bags coloured black

This Santa geezer is overrated
I think maybe Scrooge’s reaction to Christmas is perhaps not so outdated
This fool who dumps his rubbish bags down my chimney
Just because he can’t really find a way to survive singly
His bloody rubbish!
And he’s got a smoking problem,
Always spreading his lungs with that peculiar cough he has;
That irritating ‘ho, ho’
I’d love to give him a very violent show

Oh,
This Santa
They say he travels round pulled by reindeers but I’ve seen him,
He doesn’t even own a sleigh,
He has one dog!
He has a broken mini cooper with a plate number:
5ANT4 SLAY
Yeah right!
This fool doesn’t deserve to inspire our children!
I’ve seen him and the cretin is not deserving of working in a crèche

He has a bald patch at the very centre of his crest!
He’s really got some acne problems too,
We should tie him up and send him to timbhuckto

Santa,
Come and show everyone how you are true
Come show everyone your rat infested shoes

Come and show people that Saint Nick is a mindless prick,
The definition of a dick!