Of dry leaves and old clothes the condemned one would be
Painstakingly fashioned by Dickie and me.
The Smith boys turn up, like they normally did,
And Dennis, who we call the Milky-Bar Kid.
On well-chosen pitches – so, close to a pub,
The schemers have gathered, much like Catesby’s club;
Then out of the mist rings the time-honoured cry,
From street urchin voices, “A penny for the Guy!”
Arrives the big night of luminous treats,
When bonfires are blazing on cobble-stoned streets.
There’s Hammond’s and Lion’s, Excelsior and Brock’s,
With cones, flares and fountains displayed in a box.
From milk bottles, rockets are launched… who knows where?
While youngsters with sparklers draw words in the air;
Catherine-wheels whizz around on contrived wireworks,
As we … ♫Light up the Sky with Standard Fireworks♫
When kiddies and old’uns retire indoors,
There are volleys of bangers and jumping-jack wars.
Light the blue touch-paper ‘til the night air’s a cloak
Of mist-mingled, thick, acrid, sulphurous smoke.
The colours have faded, the magic has fled,
All fuel is consumed though the cinders still red;
The chestnuts and taters, burnt black from the fire,
Are the ashes of spent, pyrotechnic desire.
Wilder’s and Wizard, Wells, Wessex and Crane’s,
Astra and Benwell, Britannia and Pain’s;
Their candles have sputtered, their fusillades shot,
Remembering gunpowder, treason and plot.
Comments
jennifer | November 8, 2011 - 23:51
Fabulous rhyming and rhythm, loved reading this! Soooo good - so atmospheric, and lovely personal touches.
Magic.
J x
h jenkins | November 9, 2011 - 01:16
Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for the great feedback. I think there are still a few problems with the metre though. I can make it work in my head but not sure that a casual reader would be able to.
Anyway, enough of that. Congratulations are due in the other direction I think. I do hope the publication goes smoothly and that the book is as big a success as you hope for. Fingers crossed, eh - though don't forget to uncross them when you're typing!
Well done and best wishes.
Helvigo Jenkins
Blessing | November 9, 2011 - 09:41
The page just sensationally lit up. My favourite verse is 5 - must be my age!
jennifer | November 9, 2011 - 10:16
Hi Helvigo,
Metre is something I always struggle with when I try to write a poem with a strict rhyme scheme/structure. I think most of it scans really well - sometimes it's hard to find just the right combination of words to fit the nuances of the beat, isn't it? Much respect to Shakespeare for writing most of his work in iambic pentameter!
Thank you so much for your well-wishes, I am so excited to be actually going into print and I really do hope the book is successful!
Many, many thanks!
J x
fatboy74 | November 9, 2011 - 10:42
I can't do metre or rhyme which is why I am always a little bit in awe of poetry that feels 'tight' - this also has vivid description/fantastic atmosphere (wasn't that a Russ Abbot song?) well done. :-)
h jenkins | November 9, 2011 - 12:26
Thanks again Jennifer.
Blessing and FB:
Your words are much appreciated. So glad you both liked this bit of nostalgic whimsy. Not sure if I'm kidding myself but looking back, I remember it really feeling like this.
Helvigo Jenkins
scratch | December 31, 2011 - 14:21
Hello Helvigo, I came to this as a result of a thread regarding rhyming poetry that I was in this tcook and others. I made a comment about the current unpopularity of rhyming, metred poetry.
I really enjoyed "Remember, Remember...", almost flawless tight rhythm, unforced rhyme and excellent metre - excellent writing Helvigo. I also enjoyed the comments and found them to be quite illuminating. I really do believe that poetry is at its best when read out loud, but this is particularly true for rhyming poetry.
I have a number of rhyming poems but have only posted one of them (my latest, Charlotte Thorne). I am happy with it on the whole (although the third from last stanza does seemed forced - at least I think it is this stanza, it's the one about the spectre of a broken heart!). If you get the chance, or have the inclination I would appreciate your opinion.
Finally, apart from the observations regarding the technical competence of your writing I would also like to say that I found real quality poetry in there as well, and I suppose that's the whole point really.
Scratch.