Strange Places IP Shameful Rewrite of Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Over Zealous Zealot Writing the Alphabet

It's just a matter of pride that I repost this trifle tale, but I just couldn't leave out Lestrade. I was very proud that I got five major Conan Doyle characters in a 26 word story. And then I ended doubling up on my O's and p's!

Maybe I should simply make this a Strange Place IP. Because strangest place I’ve ever been is in my own head. Some say I’ve been there so long that I’ve over-stayed my welcome.

“Come out and play,” my friends will say.

“But I’m having so much fun in here,” I shout back. “I’d invite you in, but I’m a bit crowded at the moment. Come back later."

I’m told I’m both a negligent landlord and a poor tenant. No matter who rings the bell, I buzz them in: rich, poor, communist, socialist, capitalist, republican, democrat, conservative, unionist or labor partiers.

I even let a whig party member in once. We haven’t had a whig party in the US since before the Civil War. He said he was sent by President Buchanan to chide me for being an Abolitionist.

Then he smacked me with his kid-glove and challenged me to a duel.

"Sur!" he said. "Pistols at twenty paces! Be back here at dawn, sur!"

I told him to make it dusk as the evening light does wonders for my complexion. I did not want to die all blushy and blotchy. He balked and took off the parts unknown in the recesses of my mind.

I'm sure he'll be back. They always come back. I'm very accommodating.

Once I had an argument with Mahatma Gandhi about his movie. I told him Ben Kingsley was all wrong.

"Yul Brenner!" I told him. "That was the man! And he could sing! You don't look like you could carry your own sandals, let alone a tune!"

Then he smacked me a good one with his walking stick and challenged me to a stick duel at forty paces.

"I'm not liking you very much!" he told me.

It was the worst day of my life. Who doesn't get liked by Gandhi? Anger, intolerance and, apparently, me.

This time I turned the other cheek. He was pretty good with that damn stick!

And, without further adieu, here's the re-write of a simpl26 word story that I couldn't get right the first time although I read it a half dozen times to make sure there were no mistakes!

Ta da!

A British comrade dictates elementary facts!

Greetings Holmes!

Irene just kidnapped Lastrade! Moriarty nabs Oxford professor! Quick, run! Scour the underground! Volunteer Watson!

Xavier, your zealot!