A Coach and a Librarian Walk Into A Bar

A coach and a librarian walked into a bar.

The bar was called Pinkies.

Every other week, Pinkies offered a two fer on Martha Stewart wines.
The coach and the librarian were schoolmates. On their third bottle of 19 Crimes Chardonnay, veritas began to emerge.

Pinky's was highly regarded as a conversation bar. Whenever they had a Martha Stewart special, the management placed a conversation starter on each table. This time around the card read:

How would you describe yourself in two words that rhyme?

The coach and the librarian finally got around to the card.

Jackie the coach spoke first. She said, "physical and quizzical"

They both laughingly agreed.

Ellie the librarian said "I'll go you one better. I'm an asexual, ineffectual, intellectual."

And then again, accordion laughter.

The coach, always keen on competition but eager to end this game added, "I'm physical, quizzical and cynical."

Ellie was not about to be beaten at her own game. She responded, "I'm an asexual, contextual, ineffectual, intellectual."

Jacke could see where this roller coaster was headed and decided that she had thunk and drunk enough.

"Enough's enough" said Jackie

"And the river flows" agreed Ellie and proposed a toast to their old teacher. "Here's to Mr. Rivers wherever he may be."

They raised and clinked their glasses. "I wonder what he's doing now? Is he still alive? He had that cute cowlick. So many of those folks have passed away."

Ellie responded, "I can only imagine."

This was a lie. Ellie knew that Rivers was alive. She knew where he was and what he was doing. She didn't want anybody to know how much she knew. She changed the subject to baseball which she had been thinking about for the last couple of days. She asked if Jackie had ever heard of a guy named Ashburn. Jackie said "oh yeah. He's the guy with the foul balls and the stretcher and the roses."

After acknowleging the Ashburn story, Jackie took the bait and went on and on about the Yankees until the fourth bottle of Martha Stewart had been consumed and it was time to wobble home.