Want and Need (24th November, 2011)
The weight of your silence makes me feel old:
lead weight replacing a promise of gold.
Resurrect your idol just where she fell,
on the sword of vision, halfway to hell.
I don’t need to be the change that you seek:
as I rise again, I find my thoughts bleed.
Head runs in circles - we share the same goal;
here I was thinking you’d ignite my soul.
I’ve been dwelling in a closeted life,
caught in a dream, asleep, or cast in ice.
But you are the fire that melts; you are heat,
the antidote to a heart that won’t beat.
This is what I’ve learned: touch fire, you’ll be burned.
I don’t need to read; I just need to hear.
I don’t need to hate; I just need to fear.
I don’t need your love; I just need a friend.
I don’t need a bomb; I just need a pen.
Pass me the scroll of your heart to write on,
and I will phrase just one final question:
Why shoot the blind man who wishes to see?
You were what I want; I have a new need.
Jennifer Pickup
Comments
alfie1997 | November 24, 2011 - 23:03
I love this poem it is very catchy and has a terrific rhyme scheme it's simple but affective. I rate this 9/10 and should get a cherrie
jennifer | November 24, 2011 - 23:32
Thank you, Alfie, that's a great comment to receive!
J x
Blessing | November 24, 2011 - 23:45
A very passionate piece here Jennifer. The first verse in particular but most of the rest. Was the piece triggered by anything in particular? There seems to be questions on one hand and a passionate response on the other. I'm curious.
jennifer | November 24, 2011 - 23:55
Hi Blessing,
Yes, very passionate... I've been through something recently and this is me finally managing to articulate my feelings towards it. There are still questions with a lack of answers, and a need to find understanding! As usual, I'm writing it out of my system through poetry! It saves my sanity, I really believe that!
J x
BT Gorman | November 24, 2011 - 23:58
v.good work. let the everyday things come and the rhyme will follow. Don't force it, words have a magic. It's a wonderful poem fot all i've said.sure half of mine dont rhyme at all! lovely.
Daniel Saint-John | November 25, 2011 - 03:50
Altough rhyme is not my cup of tea, I do celebrate this poem.
Excelsior!
jennifer | November 25, 2011 - 07:20
BT Gorman - does the rhyme feel forced? I wanted the poem to have a slightly stilted feel, to reflect how I feel. Thank you for the compliments!
Daniel - Thank you! Glad you liked it!
J x
scratch | November 25, 2011 - 13:31
Jennifer, Well done, Rhyming eh? - there's an interesting concept.
A lot of rhyming poetry sounds either pretentious or childish (or both). I suppose that that is why it is chronically unpopular. "Want and Need" might start to reverse the trend. I thought it was really good, in fact I'm going to have a go myself with a theme I have in mind. I benefit again from your submission - thank you!
MistakenMagic | November 25, 2011 - 18:21
This has a beautiful, lyrical quality to it, Jennifer. I especially love that final stanza and the image of the scroll of heart! Well done on the cherry :)
Magic xxx
P.S. Can't wait for my copy of 'Unbelievable'!
jennifer | November 25, 2011 - 20:23
Scratch - it's funny, sometimes my rhymes are just internal, whereas sometimes my poems want to come out in a much more formal fashion, like this one! I think the rhymes still sound quite natural in this one - you should try rhyming poetry! Thank you for reading and commenting!
J x
jennifer | November 25, 2011 - 20:24
Magic,
Thank you! Glad you like the final one - that image is my favourite too - one of those lines that just seemed to write itself!
Oh My God, cannot wait - it won't feel real until I have the actual BOOK in my hands! They think Feb/March...!
J x