Critical Thinking

STAR testing had a section called Critical Thinking. The object was to think critically. Your thinking in this section was to be critical. Anything less than critical…not gonna cut it. Question 1:

Benny the squirrel has six acorns. Rodger the chipmunk has eleven. How many acorns do Benny and Rodger have when they put their acorns together?

…

Why does this require critical thinking? They’re fucking acorns. This happens all the time. They’re squirrels and chipmunks. Both Benny and Rodger are probably going to get hit by a car within the next twenty minutes, so why does it matter how many acorns they have?

I rewrote question 1:

Benny the squirrel and Rodger the chipmunk were on the wrong end of a drug deal that went sour. Thomas the turtle has Rodger and Benny’s kids and wives tied up in an unknown warehouse in Southeast LA.

Thomas has made a demand for the uncut heroin that Benny and Rodger had to ditch when the cops raided their plant: acorns. Everyone they got. Thomas’ rules are simple: every hour that goes by, another family member is killed. Benny’s smallest already took a bullet to the head, and Rodger’s wife took a mean raping according to Thomas.

Thomas doesn’t fuck around.

Benny has six acorns he pulled from his mattress. Rodger got eleven from a loan shark. How many acorns are Benny and Rodger going to have to give Thomas to keep the bullets in the gun?

Also: hold this testing section on top of a burning building. Every correct answer, move down a floor. I know what you’re thinking: move closer to the flames? Well, if you’re thinking critically, you wont be there very long.