STAR testing had a section called Critical Thinking. The object was to think critically. Your thinking in this section was to be critical. Anything less than critical…not gonna cut it. Question 1:
Benny the squirrel has six acorns. Rodger the chipmunk has eleven. How many acorns do Benny and Rodger have when they put their acorns together?
Why does this require critical thinking? They’re fucking acorns. This happens all the time. They’re squirrels and chipmunks. Both Benny and Rodger are probably going to get hit by a car within the next twenty minutes, so why does it matter how many acorns they have?
I rewrote question 1:
Benny the squirrel and Rodger the chipmunk were on the wrong end of a drug deal that went sour. Thomas the turtle has Rodger and Benny’s kids and wives tied up in an unknown warehouse in Southeast LA.
Thomas has made a demand for the uncut heroin that Benny and Rodger had to ditch when the cops raided their plant: acorns. Everyone they got. Thomas’ rules are simple: every hour that goes by, another family member is killed. Benny’s smallest already took a bullet to the head, and Rodger’s wife took a mean raping according to Thomas.
Thomas doesn’t fuck around.
Benny has six acorns he pulled from his mattress. Rodger got eleven from a loan shark. How many acorns are Benny and Rodger going to have to give Thomas to keep the bullets in the gun?
Also: hold this testing section on top of a burning building. Every correct answer, move down a floor. I know what you’re thinking: move closer to the flames? Well, if you’re thinking critically, you wont be there very long.