THE WEEKLY SHOP

It's time to do the weekly shop
To tread those serried aisles
Mingling with ones fellow men
Exchanging frazzled smiles.
First the cigarette counter
For this weeks lottery picks,
(Those who gamble bigger stakes
Buy here their cancer sticks.)

Next the magazine section
For men there's "Nuts" and "Zoo",
While women's glossies tell them
Just what to be and do.
Then on to fruit and veggies
To buy my 'five a day'.
(I hardly ever get past three
Despite what experts say).

Up and down the high stacked shelves
My trolley won't go straight,
Then baulked by one who dithers
I chew my lip and wait.
Still I have some empathy
For my co-shopper's plight,
With so much stuff to choose from
How do I buy what's right?

Should I buy the store's own line
Or choose a well known brand,
Coca-Cola? Tesco's own?
On which side should I stand?
Should I buy my beans from Heinz
Or from a lesser name?
Will it make a difference?
Will my fartz smell just the same?

I walk straight past the deli
And the place where fish have fins,
(I buy my ham in packets
My tuna comes in tins.)
Forward to the bakery
They've loaves of every kind,
Somehow jam filled doughnuts (mmmm)
Are foremost in mind.

Down to 'Wines & Spirits'
To stock up on the drink,
(If here you find your 'five a day'
It's time to stop and think.)
My trolley's overflowing
I still have loads to get,
(I haven't done detergents
Nor sweets and biscuits yet).

At last the shopping's finished
I've checked there's nought I've missed,
Somehow I've bought so many things
That weren't upon my list.
So it's to the checkouts
I join a random queue,
It seems I've picked the slowest line
(It seems I always do).

"Do you need help packing?"
As a man I can't say yes,
I have a system all worked out
And with it NONE SHALL MESS!
The trolley's once more loaded
With bags I've used before,
(I've done my 'bit' for Mother Earth
I really can't do more).

The bill is quite appalling
My plastic takes the hit,
It's time to load the motor
(I think it all should fit).
I drive out of the car park
A bell rings in my head,
I might have bought the doughnuts (mmmm)
I DIDN'T BUY THE BREAD!

COPYRIGHT D M PAMMENT 2010