The midwife's forceps
held against a waxing moon -
an astrolabe,
an obsterical fillet:
here - take them.
Stand and wait.
Adam drifts in
his space-womb
weightless as
a mayfly's wing.
Not breathing
floating in blood,
he turns as Jupiter
aligns itself with Mars,
senses his father
smoking a cigar.
Voices echo through
the birthing chambers -
his mother and her
handmaidens
high on the oxygen
of childbirth.
He can feel the icy
stethoscope,
the constant stroking
of his mother's
well-packed
stomach
encouraging the
codex within.
Twist and turn -
sunny side up!
He hears cigar ash
fall to the
waiting room floor,
the hands of the hospital
clock edging closer
to the moment when
warmth turns to cold,
darkness to light.
He turns again. The dead
of night is giving way,
shifting the patterns
embroidered in the sky.
But still he waits.
His eyes are not yet ripe.
His skin bristles
with fine hair.
His fingernails
scratch the inner wall.
The codex settles, chimes.
He emerges in an instant,
with a gloop and
a splash, a willow man,
whole, wrapped in a
translucent enzyme -
a row of steel dishes
reflecting his image.
The hand of the clock
moves relentlessly on.
The cigar is stubbed
to a cinder. Blood
water, steel, and ash
mark his entry point.
Comments
jennifer | June 17, 2009 - 20:05
Some superb lines and great imagery.
I feel the structure of the poem is hard to read and alienates the reader, therefore the poem loses some impact, what do you think to re-edit with longer lines?
J x
MistakenMagic | June 17, 2009 - 20:43
I agree completely with Jennifer - some absolutely stunning images;
'shifting the patterns
embroidered in the sky.
But still he waits.
His eyes are not yet ripe.
His skin bristles
with fine hair.'
but the length makes it seem a little like I'm trawling through it rather than gliding. Perhaps re-draft as a more concise version or with longer lines?
Magic xxx
lenchenelf | June 19, 2009 - 10:19
The structure is interesting, there is a representation of time stretched and narrowing to this event, all else diminished.The stanzas pulsed burst contractions of labour. The overall pipe shape harkens to the image of a birth canal and the fathers' cigar, but that is just my personal reading. Enjoyed and thanks for sharing it atb lena