Over poolhall eye gaze,
a meshed scar marks a question
on your brow; reaches past
your glowing stub of childhood,
to dance with a minds' fire tornado.
The smoke snuffs
maddening lice tickle and thought,
spewn as a hard gasp of entrenched
machismo between fingers, gnarled,
with an age you will not reach.
edited 26.08.09
-------------------------------
addendum:
http://www.unicef.org/lac/Desafios_1_ing(5).pdf
Comments
Nathan Bednarek | August 25, 2009 - 18:51
Very effective and the last line really gave it a punch ;-) Well done!
Nathan.
lenchenelf | August 25, 2009 - 19:26
Nathan, thank YOU very much for a cracking IP, Though I haven't commented on all, yet, the subs in response have been very good reads.
all the best Lena
threeleafshamrock | August 25, 2009 - 19:43
Brilliant! This is definitely enhanced by the photo and marries perfectly; extremely sad and maddening too. Well done.
Chris xx
Cavalcaderl | August 25, 2009 - 22:10
New Beeme wow what a cracker!
This is amazing and romatic I can't
catch the moon? but I can keep on dreaming.
just like your wonderful poem from beginning
to end. No DO NOT CANCELL OUT.
julie xx (:-
insertponceyfre... | August 25, 2009 - 22:13
really like this poem, such a sad picture too - they fit so well together
lenchenelf | August 25, 2009 - 22:37
Thanks to all for your very kind comments.
Special note to Beeme, Julie is quite right :-)
all the very best, Lena
Ewan | August 26, 2009 - 10:08
You might want an apostrophe in 'minds'.
Compelling poem for a compelling image. It could be straight out of 'City of God', no?
lenchenelf | August 26, 2009 - 10:18
O Woe, I still suffer the curse of apostrophe...thanks Ewan, the film is now on my list of 'must see'. all the best Lena
Ewan | August 26, 2009 - 10:55
How many minds are involved Lena? If it's just one you want 'mind's'.
Ewan
lenchenelf | August 26, 2009 - 12:02
Good question :-) now I need to mull over whether I'm referring to a presumed collective response, presented as a body (such as Unicef) or personal...woe, woe ...coffee etc! Thanks again for your keen eye.
atb lena
sunshine | August 26, 2009 - 20:53
Ditto all the above - the poem and photo are perfect campanions. Margot
threeleafshamrock | August 27, 2009 - 08:34
Back for another read; this really is so very good. One of my favourites here.
lenchenelf | August 27, 2009 - 09:18
Thanks very much Margot, the photo is of a quality that could prompt many more poems!
Chris, thanks again, really pleased that you like it :-)
all the best
Lena