The birds are inkblots on a grid of trees.
Their branches weave starless constellations.
I tire of the wind’s drawl and the hunger
of the clouds that drips like candle wax.
Lost in this grey twilight
that longs to be called ‘silver’ –
but I see no shine, no shimmer.
Even the magpies shun it.
Content with the sapphire gleam
beneath their wings.
The world is angled in black and white.
I long for the soft curves of spring
and all its shapely colours,
blooming like a fist unclenched.
Winter does not blush. It is not ashamed
of its colourless complexion
or its dark round freckles.
This is not white like the arch
of a swan’s neck.
No. This is the tired, withered white
of carnations rotting at the foot of a grave.
Crows sman, pinned on the pale sky
like pointed black kites.
They are jealous of the owls,
tawny-eyed angels who brave the snow.
Comments
threeleafshamrock | February 9, 2009 - 18:51
You should try and write something 'bad' and ordinary Rebecca, just to see how it comes out. It would probably still turn out to be brilliant; as this is; as is most of the work you do. Love it!
Chris X
MistakenMagic | February 9, 2009 - 19:41
Oh don't worry Chris, I've written some really crap stuff in the past, before I joined ABC! And I still don't post some of the abominations that drop off my pen ;)
Magic xxx
Bradene | February 9, 2009 - 19:46
This is Gorgeous Magic, it's exactly how I feel about winter too. Some of the lines are pure genius too. I mean the first one to mention just one is a cracker. This is seriously excellent. Val x
MistakenMagic | February 10, 2009 - 11:25
Thank you Val! The first line was stuck in my head for a few weeks and I had to find a poem to fit with it ;)
Magic xxx
Kahdai | February 10, 2009 - 15:28
I am now a fan of yours! I just read through your poems you write like lyrics, talent! & MistakenMagic is such a cool name. Will you be a famous writer?
MistakenMagic | February 10, 2009 - 17:28
Hello Kahdai, I'm glad I struck a chord with you :) Will I be a famous writer? Well I'd love the answer to be yes, but it's a tough business! All I can say is watch this space ;)
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | February 10, 2009 - 17:32
"I tire of the wind’s drawl and the hunger
of the clouds that drips like candle wax.
Lost in this grey twilight
that longs to be called ‘silver’ –
but I see no shine, no shimmer ..."
These lines shine for me even brighter than the rest do. A wonderful poem, from a young writer who goes from strength to strength.
Well done!
Tina xx
MistakenMagic | February 10, 2009 - 17:45
Thank you Tina ;) Those are some of my favourite lines too!
Magic xxx
Nathan Bednarek | February 11, 2009 - 14:31
Surely one of your best and one of my favourites.
The imagery is just overwhelming, but not offensive. Perfect tone and atmosphere throughout, but I especially like
'Lost in this grey twilight
that longs to be called ‘silver’ –
but I see no shine, no shimmer.'
and
'Winter does not blush. It is not ashamed
of its colourless complexion
or its dark round freckles.'
I love the freezing effectiveness of this piece and I agree with Kahdai about you becoming a famous writer. Personally, I think that's inevitable.
Never stop writing; your work complements the fine art of poetry. Well done.
Nathan.
MistakenMagic | February 11, 2009 - 17:56
Thank you so much for such an in depth response Nathan - and the vote of confidence on the writer front ;)
Magic xxx
tcook | February 12, 2009 - 14:02
I like this very much - but I am not convinced by the ending. It just seems a little contrived. And do not forget - it is from the buds of winter that the seeds of spring emerge.
MistakenMagic | February 12, 2009 - 16:50
I understand what you're saying Tony but I'm a little stumped as to an alternative? Do you have any suggestions/pointers? I don't want to lose my cherry by changing the ending badly!
Magic xxx
windowguy | February 25, 2009 - 13:06
An excellent poem. Brilliant imagery. I echo the sentiments. Too many good lines to mention a favourite.
Kahdai | February 17, 2010 - 21:45
I wanted to read february again this year, it would be nice if you would put, what you changed, in brackets at the end. I don't remember now, but I know I liked it. K xx