The White Dove

Better to have a bird that can fly away but chooses to stay than one you can keep forever in a cage. Nice poem Natalia. Thanks for getting my thoughts moving.

Thanks Parson. Yes, the bird was created as an extended metaphor for love.

Hey Natalia. I really enjoyed this piece. Parts even seemed a little reminiscent of some Leonard Cohen lyrics (which is great)! The poem moves at a steady pace that allows the reader to think between the lines for themselves, much in the way Parson Thru seems to have done - excellent.

One negative that struck me on the second read was your repeated use of 'it' when speaking of 'the white dove'. This jars the reader a little, and takes away from your very apparent creativity and poetic initiative.

I particularly liked your contrasting use of language towards the end: 'it mocked me' 'it only laughed/in my face' against 'I took my tears/And stroked its snowy feathers'. Here we have both the bitterness of 'mocked', strengthened by plosive sounds, compared to the softness of 'snowy feathers'. This works really well. Also, the use of alliteration in the later mention phrase is brilliant!

Considering the final stanza, i think only 'it left me' or 'And flew off/Into the distance' is needed. Essentially, the two phrases convey the same image and idea, otherwise it sounds you're just repeating yourself a bit. In spite of this, i think it is a very effective ending and, bound by the theme of love, is very relatable!

Hope some of this helps - I'm really just rambling on at this late hour!
Thanks for sharing,
Steve.

Hi Steve

Thanks heaps for your comments! Will change those while editing. Hey, and just generally to everyone: I know I keep saying I'll do this, and I will...I know I'm procrastinating...I WILL get around to it.

Natalia