The Exact Time (IP)

If I don't put on my lipstick
And stay pessimistic,then they
Win.

But I wont deny it's so hard
To wake up every morning,for a
Few seconds things seem fine,
Then realizing it's not all
Normal for me,and then
Remembering how hard the day
Ahead like all the others,
Will be.That's even before
The precise military style
Planning begins.

I am lucky compared too most,
Apart from 12 pain killers a
Day I have too take,I can Walk
A few steps,before I am forced
Back in to the miserable looking
Wheelchair, which I nicknamed
'Bridge chair' because it makes me
Think of it being a next step nearer
For When finally my Decaying body
Cries out no more,and I leave
This world.

I am grateful to get some relief,
However a small bunch of pain
That does not get anesthetized
Slips through,and decides to hold
A party with what seems like a 100
People dancing away for hours,in
A 5ft 2 function room Of my body.

While Jan is getting my bath ready
Walking in and out, full of energy
And life. I am forced too recall
The exact time my life changed
And I became this way, and will
Not do most things I did before.

Then I give a pep talk to myself,
And I look out of my beautiful
Bay window,overlooking an haven of
Peace and greenery,a luxury I still
Have and that I am truly thankful for.
Which reminds me amongst all this
And the amount of energy it takes to
Just persuade myself to attempt
Another day,I do have moments of
Laughter with the lovely Jan,
Who comes in once a day and
Helps me.

And all though I can only joke with
Jan, of racing her in a marathon,
Or walking her lazy dog jaws, in the
Acre of garden her parents own.

I am determined to not let nothing
Or no one take away my memories,or
Darken the future I am willing to embrace.