From Wife To Carer, Just Like That.

No words can express the love
I feel when I'm with you,or the magic
Memories of so much fun we have
Had over the 34 years we've shared,
Even the tears made me smile,because
At least we could do it together.

But these days my heart is also filled
With so much pain of loneliness even when
You sit beside me daily, from the time
I help you dress, till the time I help
You to your wheelchair.

I pick up my car keys,sighing because I
Know the journey is over 15 miles,
Before we reach the nearest day care
Center that gives me one afternoon's
'Me time' it's not that I mind looking 
After You, if I could take this nightmare
Away from you, I would.

Its time to recharge my batteries, it's 
Not nealy enough time,but I must not
Grumble, even after the two hours
Drive every other day to your hospital
Or doctors appointments. And when we
Have our son and his family over for Sunday
Roast I feel so overwhelmed and unable
To cope, but I must not share my unhappiness.
Or how pysically and emotionally, difficult
It is caring for your father on my own,
Let down by health and social Care.

I feel so guilty for dreaming of a another
Life something different than this,I
Remember our plans of owning a small
Farm in Spain,we always worked hard,
So hopefully we could enjoy our last few years
Relaxing while we still had our Good health.

I even start laughing because I see
Us arguing in my 'awake' dream ,over why
We shouldn't open your favorite bottle of wine,
Viña Sastre Crianza,which you never opened as it
Was the most expensive wine you had ever owned,
And given you for your 30 years in the police
Force.

Then you wake and call for help with your toilet needs
And just like that, I am suddenly brought out of ' our dream
Life' firmly back to earth with a realistic bang and we do it all
Over again tomorrow.