“It’s our humanness that makes us human” he said.
“Shut your face, you philosophical moron” I said.
“Of course you‘re an exception, anyone with a line of chat like yours can’t be human” he said.
That was the jist of our conversation last night as they were attempting to kick us out of the pub. Now it’s morning and the sun light is attacking my brain and I'm trying to walk in a straight line down the garden path, but I can’t remember why.
“Hey you watch where you’re walking” I hear a small voice say.
I look all around and there’s no one here but me. So that’s it; I’m going mad. No more Tennents larger after this I swear.
“I’m down here human. You nearly trod on me.”
I look down and there is a big, fat, long worm. He’s brown and slightly red at the tip and his body is wet and glistening.
“Did you know that my body is a container made up of diverse backgrounds” he says. “ that’s Fillia to you human. You probably thought that worms are just slithery, long, slidey, blind segmented things that live in the earth didn’t you?”
“Yes…” Oh my God I am talking to a worm, I have lost it completely.
“Well that’s where you’re wrong, there’s a lot more to us than that.”
“Ask yourself what makes a worm, a worm.”
“Well for a start there are a lot of different kinds of worms, I bet you didn’t know that.”
“There are; not all worms are like me. Take the Penis worm for example.”
“But don’t ask how big it is… ha ha ha ha.”
‘Oh no… a worm with a sense of humour, I can’t take any more.’
“No, what makes us worms, worms is our essence. It’s our worminess.”
‘I can’t stand it.’
“Yes, you just think about it, do you know any other being that can be chopped up and still wriggle around?”
“Now that’s a good idea” I say
“Hold on human, your scientists think that they can tell us what we are, but they are using human thinking, they can’t know what it is to be a worm because they are not one of us. Only a worm can truly know what it is to be a worm.”
“I can tell you what the essence of worminess is.”
‘I have got to get out of this, the worm is using his power of persuasion and logic to win the argument, and I can’t let a worm beat me. I can leave the path and slide over there to the edge of the page…
If I make a dash for it…
I can jump onto the next page and get away…
‘Phew, made it, he can’t go as fast as me, at least humans are faster than worms so blah, blahdy blah to you wormy one.
“That’s where you are wrong human, you forgot something.”
“I never, I never forgot anything, I didn’t, I didn’t...”
“Stop blabbering and look at me”
“Look at you. Oh no, you’re not are you?”
“Yes I am”
“But how can I escape?”
“You can’t escape from me or my friends, we have formed a Chapter. Do you want to know what we’re called?”
“Yes the BOOK WORMS CHAPTER.”
Vroom vroom vroom off we go… Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee.