LIKE A MOON TO HER VENUS

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I can't really tell you about Courtney,
not the whole story:
somehow it wouldn't do
yet neither would saying nothing

She was a pretty Jewish girl
who loved clothes, make-up, and jewelry

The first time we talked was so pleasant:
we walked about in the garden,
Venus was bright in the sky
and I taught her how to tell
the difference between a star and a planet

Her hair wasn't really blonde
but she could sell it:
she could sell me most anything
any madness any dream,
because she was a dream-believer
and I wanted to believe in dreams again
(they were pleasant dreams)

Later, sleepless and suffering
in the throes of her mania,
I wished to the devil I'd never met her
and then being rid of her,
couldn't help but sadly wonder
if things might have been different

I hope she's tending her snap-dragons
at the nice condo her parents keep for her
and not in some sterile psych ward:
but I'm like a moon to her Venus
and I don't dare find out

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Comments

animan | November 6, 2009 - 14:19

Quite mixed feelings here - nicely played. I'd lose the last line of the second-to-last verse, though - slightly throws the rest. I like the slightly informal use of language here; it adds pathos somehow.

nancy_am | November 7, 2009 - 21:46

I have to agree with animan - this could use a couple of tweaks here and there - especially in the last stanza.

It has a great opening - creates instant curiosity - and you never really give away the full story, which I love. Definitely an interesting read.

N.