I did something decadent last week
and dumped that rubbish shower gel.
Pleased myself, for a change
now there’s only me.
An eye for a bargain is what you had
or so you said. Some people might agree
but to me, you were just downright mean.
This one’s much more up my street.
The lather’s to die for – bubbles galore!
Cost an arm and a leg but sure as hell
I’m worth it; ‘Dolce Vita’ by Christian Dior –
‘A Beautiful Life’. Now there’s a joke!
Thumb through a pile of magazines,
put Captain Corelli’s Mandolin on repeat –
listen to the rain beat on the windows.
This lady sure knows how to live!
Go to bed to actually sleep. Mind you,
a girl can have too many early nights …
So, pour myself a large gin on the rocks –
hit the sack, kill the light.
Revel in the fact the blanket’s turned up high
and for once be warm as toast. Boy, oh boy
as I recall, that really got your goat; like burning
money you'd always moan.
Did something decadent last week – dumped
that shower gel and my ‘best’ friend, along with
the man who took the ‘two for one’ philosophy
to its ultimate extreme.
Comments
Nathan Bednarek | November 12, 2008 - 00:58
This is great Tina. The idea behind it is very clear, but not transparent. I love the rhythm of the piece; hence I have only one reservation-
The third stanza seems a little off-beat, as if the poem loses flow for a moment. Perhaps you could juggle the words a little? Perhaps it needs just one syllable more or one less. It's up to you of course. I hope this will help.
Overall, the poem is just great.
Nathan.
shoebox | November 12, 2008 - 05:53
I like it too. Thanks for the laughs.
jennifer | November 12, 2008 - 08:03
Dior? Very extravagant! And I love the simplicity of that verse!
Love the feeling behind this, but find the multitude of full stops really interrupts the flow of the piece - if you replace a few of them with semi-colons, it will allow the poetic 'chi' to flow freely.
J x
Silver Spun Sand | November 12, 2008 - 09:53
Nathan - once again, thank you for your help. Needless to say you were more than right, so I have had a little jiggle;-)
So glad you enjoyed it and I really am appreciative. What would I do without you?:-)
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | November 12, 2008 - 09:55
Jennifer - many thanks to you, again:-) I saw exactly what you meant and have had a little play around with those nasty punctuation marks. I'll get there in the end ... hopefully.
Tina x
Bradene | November 12, 2008 - 12:30
Didn't see that end coming at all I must admit. Really clever piece Tina. Enjoyed Val x
Silver Spun Sand | November 12, 2008 - 13:58
Thanks for reading, Val. Glad you enjoyed it:-)
Tina x
MistakenMagic | November 12, 2008 - 16:27
'Revel in the fact the blanket’s turned up high
and for once be warm as toast. Boy, oh boy
as I recall, that really got your goat; like burning
money you'd always moan.'
This stanza just made me laugh out loud! My parents always argue over their electric blanket :) A most enjoyable poem Tina!
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | November 12, 2008 - 17:53
Thanks Magic. I'm glad it made you laugh:-) Yes, I do have to say the electric blanket is a bone of contention for most couples, including me and 'im downstairs!!
Tina xxx
jennifer | November 13, 2008 - 20:46
I have a solution - get a small dog. Mine crawls down under the duvet and curls up against the back of my knees. Snuggly warm!
Silver Spun Sand | November 13, 2008 - 22:56
Jennifer- what a smashing idea! I might just do that, although I am not sure that Chessie, my cat would be as enthusiastic as me:-)
Ta for stopping by again.
Tina
Nathan Bednarek | November 13, 2008 - 23:46
Much. mcuh, mcuh better now. Great work on the improvements and again, such a great read.
Nathan.
Silver Spun Sand | November 14, 2008 - 09:33
Nathan - thanks so much. You indeed are a source of inspiration:-)
Tina