my heart overflows with guilt
having been stoned before, its sails
lacking direction.
i have become as man pieces,
not knowing
what it means to be whole,
Lord
needle my wounds
you who
patterned the work of the stars.
i am such a hyprocrite, hating
as i have been hated, and in that hate
i muddle and muddy
in the sexual dirt, like a scum...
cleanse me, make me genuinely radiant...
my spirit dies.
in the silence are words of hate and words of discontent
that I have lost the absolute in you
and lost you
i find
no matter how I try to love
i end up pretending, lord
let me find you and know you
hear your voice and delight in you
and burn in you and love you
so my spirit may be reborn.
where am I, lost in a sea of messages,
bottled meanings and cultural wars,
i wonder,
where am I in this place
where i am tossed from here to there.
Comments
Blessing | August 8, 2012 - 15:28
Yes, I too appreciate the explorative nature of this in such an open way.
Rhiannonw | August 9, 2012 - 12:49
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." – a testimony and a promise in Psalm 40, and Jesus said, Whoever comes to me I will never drive away. (John 6:35) and that is, like the hymn:
Just as I am, and waiting not
to rid my soul of one dark blot,
to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
and the rest speaks of so much as you seem to feel, though maybe in language of another era.
I pray you find his peace. Rhiannon
Steve | August 13, 2012 - 08:30
Thanks everyone. I've lost the spirit, the Holy Spirit, in my life. I think it is because I've lost my emotions. Our truest emotions become sublimated into the Holy Spirit when you direct our emotions toward God.
Your comments are so kind and lovely. Thanks... you light up my heart.