Musings of a Cam Girl

Hi baby, I’m Liezel, 19 in the Ukraine.

Those are my stats. That’s really all they think I am, other than the body and face, pussy and ass. I say, nice to meet you, but I say like “ntmu”, because I have to say that every few minutes. What’s your name, I say, and they reply whatever. Where you from baby? What’s your age? Nice place, nice age, I say. Want to take me in private, Honey?

They say, yeah, but they are full of shit, they say, first you have to turn me on, babe, they say, show your ass, stand up hon. Show me your tits.

I wear this matching black bra and panties, a T-back G-string. They’re nice, and fit really well.

Members here on the site have told me that with a body like mine I could get any man I wanted, but that is bullshit too. I’d like to believe there is a guy out there for me, a nice one, he doesn’t have to be good looking, just a good provider and sweet. Real sweet, not fake sweet. A guy can buy you flowers and think he is sweet. But that’s not right. A sweet guy is someone who is understanding, and able to be selfless when it matters. I have been with guys who acted that way at first, but turned out to be assholes.

I’ll get specific here, just for the record, to expand my stats beyond name age and location. My last guy, he would rape my anus, sorry to be so blunt. But that’s what happened. I didn’t really think of it as rape at the time. I would scream at him and hit him but he is like, too strong, he just sticks his finger in my face and warns me to shut up or I will piss him off. After he finishes and I am crying he says sorry, and he promises he won’t do it again. But he does. He filmed us, and did the same thing on camera, then posted the video online. It is still out there, on one of those sites people go to when they want to jerk off to extreme porn.

He started out sweet, until I moved in with him. Then he changed, like they all do. He wanted to turn me out in the end, pimping me to his friends and other people. So I had to get out, no matter what. That’s just Ukrainian men, all heartless bastards, at least all the ones I’ve been with.
The guy I was with before that was a piece of work too. He used to tell me to fuck him, while he just lay there, like I was doing a chore for him, and he would come and just push me off and then go to sleep. I was young, I didn’t know that was not normal. I was only 16.

My other stats are, kicked out of home at 14 because my father lost his job and couldn’t support me anymore. Lost my virginity that same year to a rape in a squat.

So here I am, working for this lady, in front of a cam, putting things inside myself for 25 cents a minute. It’s much better than the alternative; at least these men are just text on a screen. All the things that enter me I put there myself, and know where they’ve been. My dildo can’t refuse to wear a condom and threaten to knock me out if I resist.

The guys, the text on the screen, they say I am beautiful, and many ask to marry me. Come to the US baby, I’ll pay for you, and marry you, they say. But they are full of shit. I play along because they tip more at first. But as soon as you give in to them, the tips stop and they start expecting a performance for free. Baby, you’re my girlfriend, give me some love. I played that game for months, hoping the guy was for real. I’m coming to the Ukraine for you baby, he says, but he never shows up, just his fantasy. But I believed him, for a long time. I made him cum, and watched his cam as he pulled his little dick, and sprayed his stuff onto his big belly.

Am I complaining? I shouldn’t be. I am not all that bad off. This is my life for now, and I have hope. This place is full people worse off than me. This one girl worked in a studio with her cousin. She was so desperate for customers she would do anything, piss and poop on cam, hurt herself with bottles, whatever she was asked to do by any sadist, she would try her best. She was not a bad looking girl, a bit sick looking, very thin, underfed. Her member that day asked if she had a girlfriend there that she could play with. She said no, but he said that was the only way he would take her into a private session. So she says she has one girl here who could do it. So her cousin joins her at her cam, just a mattress in the corner, and she starts her show for the guy. He says finger her ass, and she does, now lick that ass, and she does. It only lasts five minutes, and he is gone, no goodbye or anything. She has made about $2 for herself. But what comes next is just awful. It turns out one of the site Admins has been watching the show. This admin guy must watch her a lot because he knows that the two girls are related. Why he is paying such close attention to her I don’t know, maybe he liked to watch her sad show. He can watch any private session he wants. Anyway, He suspends her account and withholds her week’s earnings permanently.

The poor thing, this girl, it was just all downhill from there. Her studio boss kicks her out so then she is homeless. But a week later she is back online, this time managing to arrange an account on her own. She is in a basement room with not much light, the darkness spreading around her eyes, surrounded by cinderblocks. She has tried to make the place look a bit nicer by putting up some sheets to cover the walls, SpongeBob SquarePants sheets. Her connection in the basement is so slow, anyone who comes to her chat room complains. But she still smiles, still doesn’t cry or beg.

But she is not reaching her weekly quota, and the site won’t pay her what she is owed. She is wasting away there, getting thinner and sicker. Soon she is no better than a beggar. She is eating toilet paper just to fill her stomach. She gets some attention for that, and some pity tips and shows, from guys who either like to see her degradation, or perhaps those who feel good about showing their compassion to some nobody cam girl. But still it’s not enough to make her quota. People only go see her just to look at the starving person.

Then she isn’t online any more. What happened I don’t know? Internet cut off, or kicked out of the basement. Who knows? Just gone.

So I am doing all right. I do one public show a day. I cum and I shower on cam for tips. Then I take private sessions. I do about $150 US a week, not bad for a Ukraine model. I’m not eating toilet paper. So I am doing ok. I got my tight matching bra and panties, I got my good skin and clean toys. I’m doing well enough to say no to disgusting requests. I got a good boss compared to others. I make my quota every week. So I am doing ok. I shouldn’t complain.