Walking on Saturn 6

Posted by camilla on Wed, 23 Dec 2015

I saw the woodpecker again this morning. Today is an awful day. Perhaps the woodpecker is husbands voice saying "it will be alright love" , "we will get through this."

Today I go to register his death. I have been given a list of instructions about getting more copies of not only the death certificate but birth and marriage certificates too. It makes me afraid as well as grieved.

We worried a bit about the legality of getting married on a cruise ship. They did all the normal checks etc and it was a P and O ship but still. He even says in the will everything to my wife "me" but still.

There was a horror over my Mothers will. I don't feel secure although I know husband did everything he could to make us secure.

For instance my daughter is not his child and because she still has a Father living husband never adopted her but he was her Father in every way and has been for  quite a few years now.

Before he went on holiday in the summer on a lads sailing trip he wrote to the lawyer saying she was in every way that mattered "his daughter" and he would want his estate to pay for her education and keep.

I have not been able to pay the school fees and she is a term away from taking her final A levels.

So there is fear as well as another nasty helping of loss.

I found his glasses this morning returned in everything packed up by the hospice. I also had to ring one of the places he did extra bits of work for and tell them "no he didnt get your email".

I am crying before I even have to get out all the paperwork at the registrars.

Aand the registrar chucked  few hurdles in my way. They cannot it seems make copies of the things  I need copies of (marriage and birth certificates) . I will have to go back to the source issuers.

P and O were very helpful for 40 pounds a copy. I will wait for son to help me with applying online for the other things.

I went to the funeral people and "got through it" so that I won't have to keep going back as I did for my Mother. I chose some flowers, agreed the newspaper announcement, chose a coffin.

I have to consciously "not think" about husband in a coffin. I just have to keep saying "he is not there anymore" "he is not there". They ask you if you "want to see him". There are unappreciated embalmers out there because no I don't want to "see him". I will have to lose the memory of the fighting to breathe stage and remember him conscious looking at me with love and holding my hand.

He kept trying to put his hand on top to reassure me the very day he died.

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

worrying at a time like this about legality tied in with  money, but I guess that's the way of the world. 

 

Submitted by camilla on

It is common I believe where one party usually/often the husband has dealt with everything to do with money.

Now one might say why was I so wet to let that happen. Thing is it was husbands area of expertise.

His whole working life he was paid to "know about" managing money.

It is still true that some widowers need to learn to manage domestically but widows are still bewildered by complex financial matters.

Some of husbands financial decisions were genius and since his death we have discovered some were inexplicable and possibly the brain tumour.

I dont feel safe anymore and thats a big part of grief.

 

Submitted by Starfish Girl on

Hi Camilla, I've been following your postings about your sad loss. You write in such a practical way but the grief beneath is so evident. My mother died on December 19th twenty years ago and it is such a difficult time of year to lose someone. We could not organise the funeral until the New Year, and this just adds to the trauma and grief. Do take care.

Lindy

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Camilla I'm sure you don't have to worry about the school fees. Give them a ring after Christmas. I think there's a procedure where a solicitor/the executor can write a letter or something and all will be fine