My Publicist

It’s not everyday one gets a publicist. It’s a bit like a bald man going to the barbers. People just snigger behind your back (not that I’m bald, I just lack hair on selected parts of my head). I’d a meeting scheduled for 2 p.m. I’m notorious for forgetting people’s names. Last night, for example, I was talking for a couple of minutes with a guy at the bar. Usual sort of football chatter. Then he came out with it. ‘You don’t know who I am? Do you?’

I did - when he told me his name.

Then today, a guy leaned in the window of my van. He was yakking for ages about people we’d went to school with. We were laughing about the antics we used to get up to.

    ‘Good talking to you Jack,’ he said.

    ‘Aye, mate, see you later,’ I said.

    Forgetting people’s names usually occurs, like crop circles in threes. The guy in Unbound didn’t know who I was.  The publicist was in a meeting. She’d phone me back. Her name was Emily and she sounded like Luke Neima full of good intentions and made out of shiny teeth. The Unbounders were excited because one of their books got nominated for the Booker Prize. When Unbounders get excited they have a meeting about it. I almost got excited myself. But I wanted to discuss my book Lily Poole.

    Emily did know who I was. She had heard of the forthcoming book, but she’d difficulties understanding my accent. We were to work out a launch date. That confused me, because I thought, fuck, no another trip to London, I better start making the cheese sandwiches, but she just meant a particular day (Tuesday’s pencilled in) when Unbound can release the call for cash and details how to donate. I’ve to make a list of everybody I’ve ever met in my life and beg them to support me. What could I say to her, I cannae ever remember the name of the guy I met at the bar that taught me at St Andrew’s for two years, what chance have I got? But if you’re reading this I can remember your name. You’ll be getting an email from me asking you to sponsor Lily Poole. Just remember, I know where you live.

http://unbound.co.uk/books/lily-poole