Getting beaten up by girlfriend who's very drunk.

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Thu, 2005-10-06 12:45

Hi everybody I knew you were wondering where I was. Well I went on a massive jag but ex-girlfriend turned up and got very drunk with me. But at one point she suddenly turned from a drunk version of Mary Poppins, to the child in the Exorcist who's head begins spinning with green bile spewing out. I got thrown to the floor, I didn't expect it, fingernails drawn deeply across back and hair pulled out. Now: my point is, at what point is it legitimate to crack a female on the jaw to stop her? I certainly wouldn't tolerate it from a male.
Oh she ended up spending a night in the cells after attacking a nurse. But you'd never believe she's capable of this sort of behavior when she's sober. She's very meek and mild.

Fri, 2005-10-07 13:44

ja_simpson

I can definitely empathise with this styx, my ex was pretty abusive from time to time despite being a foot smaller than me, of a very small build and, to all intents and purposes, a normal, level headed and very sweet person. That didn't stop her, on separate occasions, going for my throat, repeatedly punching me in the face, or stubbing a cigarette out on my cheek - all when drunk. I never once touched her, apart from the time she went for my throat when I grabbed her arms to stop her. At the time I justified her actions because we had been arguing and I'd been getting the upper hand in the verbal-aparring stakes so she resorted to violence. It's a tricky one but it never even occured to me to hit her and she once said herself she'd walk immediately if I ever did - which made me realise I had to walk away myself. The only sting in the tail is that she's now a perfectly sweet and sane person with her new boyfriend, and, as far as I'm aware, not even slightly jealous, which is often what sparked the fireworks in the first place. Bummer.

Sat, 2005-10-08 00:31

stormy_petrel

She must be a large lady if you couldn't restrain her from her attack, fatalky.

Sat, 2005-10-08 11:50

styx

She's about 11 stone and I did in actuality - restrain her. But it was the suddeness and ferocity that took me by surprise. What is now chilling is that she looks as if she may start stalking me. She started ringing my bell at about 11.30 last night, but I just ignored it. She has abandonment issues from her childhood - AND WILL NOT BE LEFT! I predicted this years ago to friends when I realised that I would have to leave. I'm fairly sure that she will eventually be 'sectioned', as she has recently had a spell in a psychiatric hospital after a serious suicide attempt. But her main problem is alcohol, as it is mine. But I've now 'taken the pledge', I never want to drink again, I feel as if I've hit 'rock bottom' as A.A. say. On that subject, my bleedin' laptop has also hit 'rock bottom' or rather the hard drive has. Now I'm a complete illiterate when it comes to computers, but I have no money so can't take it to a shop. I've just bought a second hand drive for a fiver, but crikey it looks as if it's going to be a complicated business changing it over. Sorry I'm waffling now but no one has answered my question, is there any circumstance that one can 'clock' a woman? If she's coming at you with a knife? She has a large lump of wood? Both of those have happened to me. I personally would thump her if I couldn't restrain her or avoid her. O.K. Toodlepip!

Sat, 2005-10-08 20:51

lisa h

Your situation puts a hard cold lump in my stomach. What a terrible situation. I would leave her, get away, and then you don't have to worry about retaliating. If she really is suicidal, then anything you do might only postpone the inevitable. Violence is unacceptable, no matter whether male/female. Good luck in everything. Lisa

Mon, 2005-10-10 14:53

styx

Thanks Lisa, we are separated but I made the cardinal sin of letting her in the other night. This will never happen again. She did come around late the other night but I just ignored the bell. She keeps phoning but leaves no message. I of course may have to change my number and go ex-directory, but there is always the potential of her waiting outside my home. I've switched off the door bell which is not a problem as no on ever visits off the cuff. I just hope this blows itself out very quickly. I grew up in a house of violence - my father against my mother and all 9 of his children so it's something I'm familiar with - and hate. All good source material though!

Mon, 2005-10-10 18:21

neilmc

Thanks guys for sharing something which opens you up to ridicule but really isn't at all funny. My daughter ended up being in a trapped situation with an abusive boyfriend, and eventually got away and came back North. She's met a great guy who's brilliant with her little boy and it turns out he'd also suffered abuse from his previous girlfriend. I agree with Lisa, don't tolerate it.

Tue, 2005-10-11 09:59

pepsoid

I've not had first-hand experience of this sort of thing, thank God. I have, however, known a couple of people who have. I've heard people 'laughing & joking' about men suffering abuse at the hands of women & it sickens me to think that there are people who consider this to be a source of amusement, whereas the opposite situation is definitely not. I totally sympathise with your plight, styxbroox. In relation to your question, I generally agree with Lisa that violence in unacceptable, but if someone is coming at you with something that could potentially kill or seriously injure you, I'd say you are within your rights to do whatever you need to, to protect yourself. But then, that's just one man's opinion... I think you have a great attitude to all this, styxbroox!... All good source material though! ...Purge the rage through writing! Good luck with achieving an amicable resolution... *** pepsoid ***

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

Tue, 2005-10-11 10:35

lisa h

Pepsoid, the problem with retaliating is that women (most of us) are built more breakable than men, at the very least, we simply do not have the muscle power to match. Retaliating also opens up the flood gates for a horrific relationship based on two sided violence and a spiralling guilt cycle. Really not an option. As with all violent people, the best thing is to get really bloody far away from then, try the next country, worked for me. As for -...Purge the rage through writing!- unfortunately I seem to have opened a pandora's box inside my mind. Sometime past experiences need to be surpressed, not used at mind food. Sorry, still got the cold hand clamped around my heart, a tough subject for me. LOL Lisa

Tue, 2005-10-11 10:51

#10

pepsoid

Don't get me wrong, Lis, I wasn't talking about retaliating! Just self-defence. I agree wholeheartedly that the first thing you should attempt to do when confronted with violence is get away. But if someone is coming at you with a knife and you can't get away, I think you are within your rights to do what you need to do to stop that knife coming into contact with you. Again, though, Lis, I agree with you re violence - esp. towards women. If a situation seems to be leading towards physical violence, then as far as is possible you get out of that situation. God, I hope I'm not giving the wrong impression of myself here! Physical violence is never acceptable and should be avoided at all costs. I just think if you are physically attacked by a man, a women, or if you are a teacher being attacked by one of your pupils, then you have the right to defend/protect yourself. "P" (PS. re the 'purging through writing' comment, I don't necessarily mean regurgitate all your pain onto paper or a computer screen. Personally, I try and deal with negative situations in my life by, where possible, turning them into humour, or by compensating by creating positive worlds in fiction...)

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

Tue, 2005-10-11 10:56

#11

lisa h

Generally I am a very positive person, and I healed by getting into a great relationship where I've been for years. Sometimes the rawness of the emotion that can still come out surprises me, that's all. Lisa PS You didn't come across badly

Tue, 2005-10-11 11:22

#12

pepsoid

Lisa, I always feel a little 'unqualified' to talk about such issues, with having no first-hand experience. Sorry for bringing out those raw emotions, Lis. Violence is unacceptable in any form. Whatever you have been through, I am sincerely pleased for you that you are now in a great, healing relationship - and long may it continue! Now then, back to the trivial stuff... Is it time for a new 'challenge', d'you think?... Luv, Peps x

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

Tue, 2005-10-11 11:44

#13

lisa h

Please! Light relief needed PDQ! Lisa

Tue, 2005-10-11 11:48

#14

styx

Make pain pay I say. Oh I forgot to take issue with Stormy_ Petal. Apart from the obvious misogyny 'women are feeble and you should have found it easy to control her' was the undertow of his comment. And you can't be much of a man that you found it difficult. O.K. Petal: I'll get you to drink for 10 days solid - not just evenings I mean all day and every day. Catch my drift? I was lucky she was drunk too or I'd probably have suffered more damage than I did. Anyway the fantastic thing that's come out of this is that I've said 'no more'. I've taken the pledge. It's only taken 30 years of struggle. But I suppose that as long as one gets there that's all that matters. Don't worry fans My Life Oy Vay (diary of a drunk) will continue. I lie with Felicity.

Tue, 2005-10-11 21:52

#15

stormy_petrel

Erm, why is that when a post can be taken two ways, people always assume it is meant in the worst way? Styx, it certainly isn't misogynist on my part to suggest that women are not a physical match for men. It's a fact. Most women are less physically powerful than most men. However, SOME women are more powerful than SOME men. Given that you have alluded to being a good size in the past, I merely made the observation that she must be a large woman for you not to be able to control her - I agree about a surprise attack - but once that's over, MOST men should be able to restrain MOST women without hitting them - which was the point of your post. Oh, I had something else to say but I've just lost the will to post anymore on this thread, so... How about, try not drinking for three days solid with someone who obviously hates you?

Tue, 2005-10-11 23:39

#16

tai

A shock, but all too common occurrence these days! It makes me feel ashamed to be a woman. Guys I think you lot are real gents to not have knocked the bitches out. I hate violence in most forms...Wink!!!lol (Joking apart) In self defence is another thing all together. It is a very sad sign of our times. The Ladette attitude is all of our responsibility...girls these days can't even cook!!! We need to go back to basics....give me a cave any day!lol By the way I was with my honey for 23 years and only cracked him one once...that is pretty good going cus he was a real wild child. I still felt hideous about it and still do. Smiling in a sympathetic way. Tai

Indescribable!

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