After the Ball by nswitch

5 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Mon, 2006-03-20 19:21

I really enjoyed this, there was something subtle about it that I think really works. Perhaps in the narration - it feels so much like a fairytale or myth, but is told in the first person. It's quite filmic too - reminds me of 'Quills' and 'Brotherhood of the Wolf' in terms of its framing of the past sort of thing.
I'm not sure how I feel about the actual mention of the incest at the end - I think this could be more powerful if you leave out the 'i' word and just hint at it, because I certainly got the feeling from the very beginning that there was something between them other than a sibling relationship.
Great storytelling.

Mon, 2006-03-20 22:52

camus

http://www.abctales.com/story/nswitch/after-the-ball

Tue, 2006-03-21 20:14

nswitch

Thanks very much for the feedback. Glad you enjoyed it. I didn't think I'd get a positive response. Will have a think about the incest bit.

Sun, 2006-03-26 17:32

nswitch

End part now amended. Don't know if this improves things.

Mon, 2006-03-27 12:31

Byrne

I definitely like it better now you don't actually say 'incest' anywhere. And it seems to me like the brother comes across feeling a bit more guilty at the end than in the previous version, which I like also. Looking forward to your next one!

Topic locked