peasinapodbyJulietOC

Yup, I enjoyed reading this last night. The bit towards the end when she removes the photographs from her wallet is so good, sets up the inevitable but keeps it from being too obvious...if that makes sense. Really good Juliet, I'm loving your stories! lib

ty you for the flag nobody, (nobody likes me :) in terms of length it is about 2,500 and i am not sure where i could cut - but i will take your point on board. Lib - ty for your words of encouragement. I had a bit of nightmare with speech marks and punctutation in this - but a little fairy on here has put me straight so it should read much better now - ty you know who you are xx Juliet

This is really good, Juliet, and it deserves a working link: http://www.abctales.com/story/juliet-oc/peas-in-a-pod “Liquid” for the tea, and then for the alcohol didn’t work for me, at least not so close, but that was hardly a detraction. It unfolded nicely – I liked the way the ending revealed everything, as I hadn’t figured it out beforehand. Perfectly descriptive, well-told, and a very nice read. Foster.

thanks so much Foster, it now reads liquor. Juliet

i could certainly do with a little fairy like that could you tell her to fly my way please good read - kept me quessing till the end tina

Very good indeed. The ending caught me out but there are a few typos (sorry to be niggly) and it does need a bit of a chop in the middle. This, with some work, could be a competition winner. Excellent.

ty you everybody for your kind words but most importantly your critiques. I think i have taken them all on board. I have gone through and found every typo i can find - but if i have missed any please let me know. i have cut a little from the middle - but is it enough? I can't see what else to cut so would appreciate further opinions on this. and yes Tony i think i might try this one in a competition. Donard Publishing are running one, closing date 10th April it is free and the winner is decided on votes - http://www.donardpublishing.com/sscomp.html so who is going to join me? Juliet p.s. SSS get your own fairy :)

ty nobody - i think you make a good point, i will have a look at altering the start of some sentences. Juliet

This is very very good Juliet - gently understated with lots of memorable touches, the way she strokes his hair when he's sleeping, the way love and bitter disappointment co-exist. I didn't really like "her heart plummets into the floor" or "a cold space where her heart had been", maybe I'm being picky about metaphors which sound bizarre if literal. But don't let typos or minor stylistic things detract from the impact of a moving story which only too many people will identify with.

now you said it though - i have to change it! Ty Neil - those two metaphors are rather clumsy and a little cliched - have altered my original and it reads better. ty once again to everyone who has helped me improve this piece, and all those that read it. Juliet