foreignerinaforeignlandJulietOC

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Wed, 2006-04-26 11:28

http://www.abctales.com/story/juliet-oc/a-foreigner-in-a-foreign-land

I've liked all three versions but this is by far the best. I feel it really catches the mood of change. Like it's always been changing but something like the reintroduction of the death penalty suddenly makes you realise just how much. Loved the lines about the olive skinned people on the street. I know you like crit but I can't really find anything to point out.

Wed, 2006-04-26 12:48

Silver Spun Sand

I agree wholeheartedly with Nobody. Liked the ending before, 'the green and pleasant land' thing but this ending is much more hard-hitting and less sentimental, allthough having said that, sentimentality isn't always a bad thing. An effective and thought provoking piece of writing. Ty Tina

Wed, 2006-04-26 14:05

Foster

I Agree â€“ this version is easily the best. Some great lines: â€œI am one of the refugees that eddy like flotsam, washed up on the weekly tide â€“ reviled for filling the town centre with foreign ways and words.â€ â€œGoing downstairs is an uphill struggleâ€ The final paragraph is just perfect. My crit: I liked the original title better. Foster.

Wed, 2006-04-26 16:08

Juliet OC

ty nobody for flagging this again - i am more pleased with this version too. Your points on the last thread helped me to shape it better. ty SSS for your comments and email - i have sorted typos. ty Foster for your comments - i am not sure which title is best, so i will think about it. Titles- grrr! Juliet

Juliet

Wed, 2006-04-26 19:42

Moimo

It was a pleasure, tell us are you now entering it for the aforementioned competition. Oh and I agree with Foster, first title was better. nobody

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