ADVENTURES IN A DIFFICULT WORLD (this is chapter 2 below is chapter1)feedback needed

Chris, Wow! That is some bit of musing. I enjoyed your view of Berlin.It is an interesting insight for an me, an outsider. You remind me of a prose version of Ferlenghetti.:) I enjoyed your reverie. I think the casual reader might need more direct action, perhaps as an adjunct to or a back drop for your narration. I found your descriptions fascinating, but most readers have short attention spans. You might wish to give them some action sequences, however brief, to move the story along from one point to another along the line toward its inevitable conclusion. Other wise, you are just sitting around a bong and rapping. Some will like it, some not. Thanks for the interesting read. J.X.M

I think both chapters are very well written, engaging & intellectually inspiring. Your added bonus of humour at the right time and place is also a feather in your cap. It's obvious to me you are certainly gifted and the work itself shows much promise. However, having said that, I have to agree with Martin in that it lacks the action necessary to move the story forward in a way to keep your readers turning pages. One of the best way to achieve a great hook is to start a story with the action. While adding internalized thought of a main charactor has it's place. showing his motivations thorugh action rather than thought is a more effective and powerful way of connecting with your reader. The danger of a prolonged narrative without action (however witty or well written it may be) is data dumping. The old addage of showing not telling holds true here. After reading you, take my critique with a grain of salt as I certainly am not any kind of expert, though I have as a writer struggled with some of the issues mentioned. It's also important to note I'm certainly not capable of ever being able to write like you. I wish I had the education, vocabulary and imagination you have so ably demonstrated in this story. Thanks for a most intriquing read. Best of luck with this.