Write Kit

Good question. Charlottes Web There's nothing more mind-teasing than the incomprehensible eagerly avowed - Dennett

I would put in a book made out of magic cake that imparted amazing poetic qualities to the person who consumed it (as long as they didn't eat too much, in which case their writing would be forever crap).I would also put in any old book with pages in it, that the person would have to eat as well, to prove their dedication to the cause. Of writing, that is. I would also put in some dental floss for afterwards, and a little mirror in case they were on the tube when they ate the bookcake and the bookbook.

Hemmingway said something along the lines of, you have to read everybody, so you know who to beat, and if that should put you off, then you ought to be put off. Confident fellow was Ernest. keep your grubby mits off my website http://www.too-many-monkeys.com

I don't mean to diss Hemmingway, but isn't that kind of bollocks? Anyway... I know it’s kind of stating the obvious, but it depends what sort of writing the aspiring writer wants to do. If they don’t know what they want to write, then I suppose they should generally try and read a variety of styles, genres, etc – but I personally can’t imagine not having been inspired to write by what you have read. If you say you want to be a writer, but you don’t read (much), then how much can you really want to be a writer? (apart from just having some vague notion, as much of the non-book-reading/writing populace seems to have) That said… If you want to write humour and/or sci-fi, you should definitely read “Hitchhikers…” – I think even for writers of “serious” sci-fi, the ideas DNA explores are just (pardon the pun) out of this world! If you want to write in any sort of supernatural vein, a couple of Stephen Kings would be a must: say, “The Shining” and “IT.” What else? For real sort of “classic” sci-fi, Asimov’s robot stories are incomparable, as well as the short works of… ooh I dunno… Ray Bradbury, PKD… and for novels, Clarke’s Rama series is unbeatable. Recently read “Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell,” which is a fantastic example of modern storytelling in an old-fashioned style. And for something completely different… Jeff Noon’s “Automated Alice” or “Vurt.” And “The Bear Went Over the Mountain” by William Kotzwinkle (the chap who wrote “E.T.”)… is something I read a few years ago, which has stuck in my mind as a unique modern adult “fairy”(ish)tale! ~PEPS~ You can’t finish a man till he’s finished his Texan Bar

Big question. It depends, in some ways, on what they want to write and where they’re starting from. Personally, I hate reading lists. I prefer to just grab something off the shelf at random, read it, take from it what I can and move on. I’d put in a few of what I’ve found to be useful and inspirational writing guides: Stephen King’s ‘On Writing.’ Down to earth, easy to read – and by someone who’s proved his worth, whatever you think of his work. Anne Lamott’s ‘Bird by Bird’ – this book has helped, more than any other, to spur me on when I’m stuck. Dorothea Brande’s ‘Becoming a Writer’ – helps you, as much as anything else, to find out if you’ve got the discipline needed to do it. Raymond Carver’s ‘Fires’ – Some of the best essays on writing I’ve read; not lectures, but personal experience and how it counts. Not at all intimidating, either, given the stature of the man. Written with a quiet and encouraging humility. Also contains a selection of his early stories and poems. Two other books I personally found very useful and would recommend as being, in my opinion, excellent starting places: ‘The Bedford Introduction to Literature’, edited by Michael Meyer. An anthology of poetry, fiction and plays by a wide variety of authors, ancient and modern, from Chaucer to Kate Chopin. Also includes critical analyses of the pieces, plus essays by the writers themselves on writing. Sections on diction, symbolism, style, irony, point of view. Designed for undergrad literature and creative writing students. ‘The Story and It’s Writer’, edited by Anne Charters. Similar to the above, though concentrating on fiction only. Fantastic book. The anthologies are important, I think, because they cover many types of writing and encourage experimentation and further investigation. Otherwise: The Complete Works of Shakespeare - so they can see what all the fuss is about. The Complete Works of Chekhov - for his universality, humanity and impartiality. Everything by Bukowski – ‘cos never has the shitty side of the writer’s life been so thoroughly documented! They may as well know what they’re letting themselves in for. Apart from them, I’d lastly enclose a Directory of Public Libraries!

The one part of that quote that I am most likely to have remembered wrong is 'everybody', he may have just listed a few greats. I'll check when I get home. The point, perhaps, is that there are already more perfectly good books than anyone could read in a lifetime, and unless you expect to top them all, or at least add something new, you should give up now because you are not doing anything useful by spending your time writing. Of course, if all you want to do is get paid for doing something you enjoy, then it's terrible advice. As for books to recomend, there are too many. Hemmingway for sparse pared down writing, Faulkner for the opposite. The likes of S Rider Haggard, Verne, Fennimore Cooper, Dumas, Dickens, and all those others who wrote novels serialised in magazines, just for how to do good honest adventures. MR James for creepy graveyard scares. HP Lovecraft for how scope of imagination can transcend dreadful writing. Elmore Leonard for tightly plotted page turners that are over before you realise it. James Elroy for writing that is just tough. Lots of others, most of which I havent read. Mentioning Verne, I think I would include 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea as an example of how *not* to do it. keep your grubby mits off my website http://www.too-many-monkeys.com

Hemingway (one 'm') had a tiny penis.

Are we to assume that they haven't read anything already? Reading bad stuff is easily as important as reading good stuff. They also need to have as much variety as possible. So I'd stick in a bunch of turkeys and dull-but-worthies among the classics. Complete Works of Shakespeare (they don't have to read all of it) Complete Chaucer (ditto) A study guide to both of the above 'A Christmas Carol' 'Alice in Wonderland' Collected Ted Hughes Collected Thom Gunn Selected Tony Harrison Selected Paul Celan 'Duino Eulogies' 'Rime of the Ancient Mariner' 'Songs of Innocence & Experience' Some Seamus Heaney Sylvia Plath (ngghhhh.... but they should give it a look) Frank O' Hara's 'Lunch Poems' A book of clerihews Complete Edward Lear Everything by Roald Dahl Some Alan Guinsberg 'The Trial' by Kafka The first eight Discworld Novels (so they can see how a series can go so badly wrong) 'On The Road' 'Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy' 'Naked Lunch' or 'The Ticket That Exploded' A bundle of Kurt Vonnegut books Two collections of Philip K. Dick short stories 'Beautiful Losers' and 'The Energy of Slaves' by Leonard Cohen Five Mills & Boon novels The first Wheel of Time book by Robert Jordan The first Harry Potter book Couple of Angela Carter's Some Zane Grey Westerns 'Waiting for Godot' 'The Wasteland' 'The Female Eunuch' A random Andy McNab 'Foucault's Pendulum' by Umberto Eco 'The Rachel Papers' by Martin Amis A chest of Alistair Macleans 'Cloud Atlas' by David Mitchell 'Biggles Defies The Swastika' 'L'Etranger' and 'La Peste' by Camus Complete Beatrix Potter I've just realised I could go on for quite a while... ~ I'll Show You Tyrants * Fuselit * The Prowl Log * Woe's Woe

Hemingway (one 'm') had a tiny penis. He also shot himself, which I'd consider a bigger drawback to taking any of his advice.

That's an interesting list there, Jack. I'd go along with a fair bit of it. I'd add Philip Larkin and Hardy to the poets, Stephen King, Elmore Leonard, Steinbeck and Updike to the fiction writers. Also Ralph Ellison's 'Invisible Man' - first 'serious' novel I ever read, and it made a huge impact. A book of haiku, a book of limericks (as well as Lear's), a broad selection of Spike Milligan (including Goon Show scripts). I'd probably take out Angela Carter and David Mitchell. Reading their stuff would probably put me off writing - and reading - for life! Just personal taste, though, so not really fair. Can't get on with Pratchett, either, but I see your point with it. Inevitably, these lists end up reflecting personal taste, level of education, and so on. Maybe, as John Gardner said, a college course or two is also a necessity. (Oh, add Winnie the Pooh, too. Only come to it in recent years. Not for children at all, I don't think!)

Hemingway and Carver are necessary red herrings - everyone needs to try, and fail, to write like them. Other books that make me want to write (rather than making me feel completely out of my depth): Vonnegut (Breakfast of champions and Slaughterhouse 5) David Mitchell (Number 9 Dream) Douglas Adams Angela Carter Dave Eggers (Heartbreaking work...) Frank O'Hara (Lunch Poems) There are too many books (Kafka, Camus, Fitzgerald et al) that I finish and just think, well fuck it, I'm not competing with that.

Read people's faces and body language, then sit next to them and steal their conversations.

Also, conversation is vital! With as many different (types of people) as you can manage. ~PEPS~ You can’t finish a man till he’s finished his Texan Bar

It's a difficult question because I think there's extent to which the point is 'read some stuff' or 'read some different things that some people like' rather than there being a definitive list that would help a writer. Anyway, the books that I think made me the writer I am are: Glad to wear glasses by John Hegley The Gods will have blood by Anatole France Cruel Brittania by Nick Cohen Rude Girls by Vanessa Walters Striker by Hunter Davies Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis by Wendy Cope Terrifying Ordeal by Paul Birtill Fathers and Sons by Ivan Turgenev The Plummeting Old Woman by Daniil Kharms But I'm a semi-professional non-fiction writer and enthusisatic wannabe lowbrow poet. If that's want you want for yourself then reading magazines and newspapers is just as important as reading books.

Well - lets count the number of female writers suggested so far....hmm? Do you have any others to put in my parcel? I've got Angela Carter already :p

Toni Morrison's 'The Bluest Eye' and 'Beloved' Helen Dunmore's 'Talking to the Dead' Sylvia Plath's 'The Bell Jar', Journals, poems Carol Ann Duffy's 'Rapture' and some blokes too - Vladimir Nabokov's 'Lolita' John Fowles' 'The Collector' Christopher Marlowe's 'Doctor Faustus' Pablo Neruda's 'The Captain's Verses' and more

Susanna Clarke. ~PEPS~ You can’t finish a man till he’s finished his Texan Bar