Home Front by Ian Hobson

I agree about the ending being detached, which is more obvious because of the way it is divided from the rest of the story. Before I realised the twist, I thought the policeman sitting with his head in his hands was simply feeling sorry for the fight that he'd witnessed and the way that he had crushed the brothers' attempts at keeping their home. I thought this was quite powerful as it showed another side to the police who had so far been the 'bad' guys. However, I like the idea of Sam being a ghost, and you wrote him in well, without it becoming apparent that he is dead, he seemed to be just another one of the brothers. So if you want to have a twist then I think it just needs to be worked on, to make it seem less added on. Another thing that stopped my enjoyment of the story, and made me notice the writing was when the character was thinking about the idea of being a chef, I didn't understand the relevance of this within the story. I also thought there was a bit too much detail about the cooking of the potatoes. Just a few thoughts, I hope they are of use to you.

oops didn't see this. Too many glasses fo wine. Juliet

Only just got to this. Thought it was brillliant, well-written. Just enough background detail spread out through the story to flesh out the characters and scenes without slowing down the pace. The twist did maybe seem a tad tacked on, but only, for me, because the story/writing stood up on its own that far without it. But I did like the idea. Maybe the scenes with Sam could be tweaked, to put him slightly on the ege of things, but not too obviously so. I was reminded of the film"Dead Man's Shoes" where the returning soldier is met and accompanied by his dead brother, only we don't know he's dead til near the end. It's only then you realise he was never around any other characters. Nice one Ian. Well flagged 4G.

hi, I have not been around here very long, this is the first story I have read all the way through. I don't really feel qualified yet to comment as I have only just begun to take my own writing in hand, however....I must start getting involved. I liked the story, though the ending was a supprise and not necesarily needed. It was nice to have a twist, but as others have said, some more integration into the main story would have been nice. I did not get any 'clues' - but was paying attention when I was reading (as much as I recon I could be expected to). I liked the writing style, and it was easy to read. I have started to read several things one ABCT but have found them difficult going. This one engaged me early enough to make me want to read to the end. :)