Critiques Requested Please

Hi Tealwaves, if you read and comment on other people's work, they'll return the compliment... if they are fair-minded and play the game.

sounds fair enough!

I've had a read, tealwaves. I can't for the life of me see what you mean by "my writing's not for everyone." Why the hell not? Shit, you should see mine if you think yours is unusual in some way. There are a few tiny glitches that need ironing out, noticeably when the girl goes into the shop and the man waits outside there's a little confusion over who is speaking. Just a brief polish is all it needs. Also, you put a pause in before the girl sums up the situation in her mind and I would probably have split the story into three, popping in a pause when they enter the office, but that's a stylistic criticism and everyone breaks stories up differently, so ignore than and rely on your own intuition - it's the best way. Apart from that it's well written, it reads smoothly and the situation is perfectly believable. I've been in similar situations in the past that I wasn't at all sure I wanted, but somehow ached for anyway (being taken home by a former English teacher of mine when I was about eighteen comes to mind, but you don't want to hear about that). Keep at it!

Thank you very much for reading, your critiques and your words of encouragement. I look forward to reading your writing! Truth be told, this did not actually happen to me (though I think/hope everyone can relate to the feeling). I was hoping to juxtapose the woman's situation with my wanting to be anonymous as a writer. Any suggestions on how to make the connection between anonymity and freedom more apparent would be great. Again, I look forward to reading your stories (when I'm not sneaking to the site at work ha). And I especially look forward to the one about your English teacher if that ever comes to be written :)

That one hasn't been written yet, tealwaves. Now that was a story. One day, maybe. But don't read the others whatever you do, they'll irreversibly taint your mind. No kidding..... Actually if you do read one, read The Art Of Fishing (don't worry, it's only very loosely about fishing). It's one of my few traditional tales that I'm actually proud of. And it's a good introduction to get you hooked, so to speak, and then I can smugly reel you in to savour the really crazy stuff, because the others are a most definitely whacky. Deep insights into the darker aspects of the human condition in some cases (I can't understand why most people miss that), but whacky nevertheless.

That one hasn't been written yet, tealwaves. Now that was a story. One day, maybe. But don't read the others whatever you do, they'll irreversibly taint your mind. No kidding..... Actually if you do read one, read The Art Of Fishing (don't worry, it's only very loosely about fishing). It's one of my few traditional tales that I'm actually proud of. And it's a good introduction to get you hooked, so to speak, and then I can smugly reel you in to savour the really crazy stuff, because the others are a most definitely whacky. Deep insights into the darker aspects of the human condition in some cases (I can't understand why most people miss that), but whacky nevertheless.