Old Pesky Slashed By A Thousand Cuts
Some months ago Scratch posted a link leading to Tim Clare's excellent website. One of the things Tim does weekly is take a budding Hemingway's first page of their novel and, in a most delightful fashion, tells them where they're going wrong.
Alas, I have no novel written. Instead, I submitted a first page of a short story posted on abctales two years ago.
Here's the original story http://www.abctales.com/story/oldpesky/room-no-angel-ip
And here it is being attacked with a sharp cutlass and razor wit. Enjoy.
http://www.timclarepoet.co.uk/?p=1492
I should point out that I agree with Tim's analysis. If I were to rewrite the piece again I would definitely take his constructive criticism on board as well as everything else I've learned in the last couple of years.
Bearing this in mind I think everyone should get at least one professional critique of their work, whether that be through abctales and Lorraine Mace or elsewhere like Tim Clare.
Tim's style of critique may not be for everyone but there's no denying the knowledge behind the veil of sweary words.
Lorraine is slightly less sweary but on the money at spotting flaws in our writing and offering great advice.
Whatever you choose, keep writing until your heart's content, then write some more. And don't forget the reading. In the meantime, I'm off to slit my wrists, metaphorically of course.
Ha! I read this on his blog yesterday OP. if you look on my page you will find the original version of the story that I submitted to Tim Clare ("Drug Wars") and then the revised version ("Death From A Single Cut"). It's interesting to compare the two.
Congratulations, we in the massed ranks of the masochists salute you.
yep, I think your man has got a good eye.
It seems a bit like having your hair shaved off in slow-motion. He's on the money, that Clare, and I think it's time I had a skinhead.
Go on, you know you want to.
You guys are my heros for having your heads shaved like that. Me? I'd have to change my smiling-with-a-martini picture to one of me crying-in-my beer. Because if there's anything I hate worse than analysis, it's intelligent analysis.
Rich
I should have said also that apart from Tim Clare's dissection the revised story was edited in light of insertponceyfrenchnamehere and celticman's advice.
It's great to see you around the place too oldpesky.
Come on now, lads. Don't be scared. Get yourself seated in the barber's chair. You'll feel much better for it. Honest. It wasn't as scary as having my ears set on fire in Turkey. That was a real close shave.