Qualitative Research Answers on Being Single over 40 as a lady

Chapter One - Write a very brief, publishable blurb on how you arrived at She, Over 40, Solo.   

These are the stories of the respondents to the questionnaire around being single over the age of 40 as a woman.

Respondent 1:

Donna, 44, Christian, who has 100% support from her family and has been single most of her life.

I believe that sex was made for the intimacy of marriage.  Most men (generally) want sex when dating, I blame the media for that, plus I’m not a thin tall blonde, another media brainwash.

Respondent 2:

Alyss, 44, Christian, who is not dependent on any family and has been single for the majority of her life.

When I was about 9 years old, I signed a no sex before marriage sheet. Even at that age, goodness knows why an adult had that going around, it must have influenced me. Later on in life, I actually had guys asking me to date them strictly on the proviso that I had sex with them. I was horrified that I had so little worth to them as anything more than a body was a turn off and I turned them all down. Other proposals were by extremely drunk guys, and the idea that he couldn’t be open and honest with me whilst sober left me thinking: what would make that any different if we did end up a couple? Through a great deal of prayer, trust, faith and encounters with hundreds of gents across 3 continents of living life, I have never felt right in my gut over any of the proposals that came my way; and at the back of my mind I have always had the thought that if I am wasting their time dating them, then they may miss the person they were destined for because I was in the way. In my 20s, completely at odds with society, guys, expectations and not having the ‘right’ paired off story, I took my complaints to God in the mountains and told Him that I was tired of everything, and that He had to give me a four-leaf clover NOW to show me He had it in His hands and I could stop worrying about being single and unwanted and torturing myself about it. Sure enough, a few moments later in my walk, and there was the four-leaf clover. So I handed my ‘single status’ over to God and went on to live my life in hope and trust. Now, it’s 20 years later and the faith and trust are hitting rocky ground… but, I have encountered some women who have met and married ‘the one’ in their mid-fifties. So, it seems to me that to bail on the trust and hope now might not be giving God His due… and my test may just create testimony too, or not… such is the leap of faith. Whether my preference for my independence and space by then will take over the sacrifice required in a relationship, that is another story… and only time will tell.

Respondent 3:

Alexa, 45, Christian, who believes she has 50% support of her family and dates sporadically.

When people ask, why are you single?  I say, I haven’t met “the right man”. I’ve had three serious boyfriends along the way but none of them were “the one”.  The last one I really thought I was going to marry, but it was not to be.  Looking back I can see the reasons it would not have worked.  I’ve chosen not to have sex before marriage as this is my Christian belief and a lot of men don’t understand or respect that.  I’m also not prepared to compromise my values so I can be in a relationship – it doesn’t work.  So here I am, single in my 40s. 

Respondent 4:

KA, 45, who was almost divorced when she became a widow. She is Christian and rates her family support at 60%.

I met my late-was-soon-to-be-ex-husband in a whirlwind romance at the tender age of 22. And although I believed he truly was my Soulmate, it was not to be. A few years years later he had an affair, landed himself in jail, and then committed suicide shortly after his release. I was 31 when he died.

I had a few boyfriends after that – a few flings, a few more serious – before meeting the most beautiful special person who proved to me that yes, it is possible to have more than one Soulmate in this Lifetime. Unfortunately, he tragically passed away just recently from cancer, just 2 months before our 1 year anniversary.

Which is how I came to be Over 40 and Solo, once again.

Respondent 5:

Lizanne, 45, Christian, divorced and rates her family support at around 50%.

I divorced my narcissistic husband 6 years ago and kidnapped my 3 children to start a new life. We lived for 3 years with family. The past 3 years we have been completely on our own.

Respondent 6:

C.B. is over 60 and twice divorced, completely self-dependent.

I experienced teenage pregnancy and married the father of the child as in 1977/1978 that is what you did, which was recommended by the Doctor. I was divorced by the age of 22 and remarried for love at 26 for the second time. I divorced for a second time at age 32.I have been single ever since.I have had a few long term relationships along the way for a few years at a time, however, there was never full commitment from them or me.Mostly, being a strong and self-sufficient lady, this has not always gelled with the guys I have been with, as sometimes they felt threatened and others felt I did not need them. That is it in a nutshell.