Statistics - maddan

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Fri, 2006-01-27 08:14

Statistics - maddan

http://www.abctales.com/story/maddan/statistics

This is the best thing I've read in ages, truly. It grabs you from the minute you start and stays interesting right to the end. Lovely, original descriptions. Funny, considerate thoughts. Realistic, witty, dialogue. I could go on...

My favourite bits include the really excellent rythmic bits when describing places using the word 'was' - such as:

'Richmond was money, was intimidating stares from immaculate attendants in fashionable shops, was a wide river and narrow embankment, was pleasant and gentile pubs, was sulky posh girls, was giggling schoolgirls, was impossibly thin Chinese girls, was girls so pretty it hurt right in the gut, was cricket on the green, was large townhouses, was the residual hangover of monarchy.'

Also, the mix of pathos and humour and worry is spot on:

'All cake is good cake.'

'That,' said Alice, 'is the smartest thing you've since I met you.'

Cake, thought Myers, and something shifted within his head. It was so stupid really, so trite, that he could only express it in clichÃ©d platitudes. Life goes on, he thought, and he realised that it had nothing to do with George Mermin, and nothing to with him, and even less to do with his ex-girlfriend, but it had everything to do with the shark. The shark was hungry, and now, so was he. Myers finished his drink, and went with Alice.

Dan - if there is one thing you DON'T do in this piece is clichÃ©d platitudes. I really loved it.

Everyone else - Read it!

Fri, 2006-01-27 08:42

Edgar_Whitter

This was really well written. I loved the repitition of 'was' to recall places and feelings. It had a dreamy quality and a sense of ennui pervaded the piece.

Fri, 2006-01-27 09:37

maddan

wow thanks, this story was on my laptop when it suddenly died last month and I thought I had lost it, but, like a child found in a collapsed building after an earthquake, it survived. I was covering my back a bit with the platitude line.

Fri, 2006-01-27 13:59

Foster

You said that you were unsure if this story works - i think it does and very well at that. this one will stay with me for a while. hard to pin a favorite part - maybe: All these cakes slowly decaying, it was the saddest thing Myers had ever seen. He stepped backwards into the street and saw a line of tiered wedding cakes standing watch in the first floor window, forlorn and grey with dust, like old men on park benches, like puppies unpicked in a petstore window, like ghosts on castle ramparts, like an avenue of dead trees, like empty chairs, like maidens locked in towers, like tombstones. a very well-deserved cherry and congrats on story of the week!

Fri, 2006-01-27 14:14

luigi_pagano

For me this was a fantastic read. Not fantastic in the sense of unreal but absolutely brilliant. I can appreciate the humour and the wit in this story and I particularly like the way he weaves statistics into the narrative. There are several classic lines which catch one's eye but the one that sticks in my mind is: His bottom made a plaintive fart, rising at the end like a question. First class effort.

Fri, 2006-01-27 16:19

Juliet OC

fantastic and i to loved the fart! Juliet

Juliet

Fri, 2006-01-27 16:37

tcook

and he's reading at the ABCtales event on Feb 2nd. So come one, come all and wonder! This is wonderful - congratulations, Dan.

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