The last room chapter 4

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Fri, 2006-07-14 19:47

http://www.abctales.com/story/foster/the-last-room-chapter-4

i am enjoying this story and i really enjoyed this chapter, it felt authentic, but i felt it was a little rushed IMO , over too quickly, why didn't she continue to see the psychologist? If anything realising what had happened to him she would be more likely to seek professional help. I would have preferred to read the visit to the psych - then her returning home to tell Mason.

What touch took place throughout this, who tried to hug who etc. my first reaction would be to gather my son into my arms. I think it needs padding out with more detail, what was Walter's face like, how did his voice sound, did they eat lunch etc.

Sorry to be picky but I know you appreciate feedback - for the second draft/edit.

Looking forward to next the plot has definetly gripped me.

Juliet

Sat, 2006-07-15 21:23

Foster

Juliet, thank you so much for this. In my shorter pieces, I'm alway trying to tell the story in as few words as possible. Maybe that's why it feels rushed, as I'm having trouble expanding on things that really should be expanded upon. When I do a rewrite, I'm going to take all this into consideration. And you can never be too picky, especially when you raise such good points - thanks again. foster.

Mon, 2006-07-17 14:40

lisa h

Foster, I have been following this, and I find it well cared for and well written, as is all your work. The issue I have, is, as Juliet stated, it's berevity. It almost reads like a very detailed synopsis, and I want to read more, more detail, I want to see the things you brush past. It's a good story, I look forward to more. Lisa

Mon, 2006-07-17 17:55

Foster

Thanks, Lisa. Somehow, I'll find a way to expand on certain scenes, while searching for a balance of description - too much is just that, I think. But thanks to you and Juliet, I can see that for this draft, I've included too little. There are only a few chapters left, so I'm sure this crit will hold true. Thanks, foster.

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