I burnt your Poems

Link: http://www.abctales.com/story/drew4payne/i-burnt-your-poems

I think it's a good idea, but would benefit from being expanded upon. In such a short space, with so little 'show' and so much 'tell', it's hard to care about the characters. I'd expand a few sections into fully fleshed out scenes. For example, the giving of the first poem could be a full scene with dialogue. Also, the break-up: reported speech in this case definitely detracts from the emotion of the situation. And perhaps a scene or two with the new boyfriend that alludes to the money problems. On the subject, the final paragraph explaining about money being tight needs to come much earlier. For maximum impact, the reader should come to understand that the poems have value having already been made aware that the protagonist is in desperate need of cash. I'd also drop the gay angle. I think the story would work just as well without it, and the throwing around of the word 'queer' made me totally unsympathetic to the main character. Ben