tick tock by Tom

The anti-climatic ending was always part of my plan. It's what the story is about for me, the only way it can conclude. This series of very short stories I'm writing at the moment aren't short because I can't think of a way of making them longer. They are short because to make them longer would dilute their effectiveness. This is what I'm attempting to achieve, anyway. If you want to buy my book, visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

For me, the story is about the arbitrary absurdities of human life (and death) and insignificance of the individual without friends and family in the life of a city. To give the man a significant ending would compromise the point of the piece and undermine the random absurdity of his death and its ultimate lack of importance to the world at large. You want another story, perhaps, but it's not the one I wanted to write. I understand how you feel, of course. If you want to buy my book, visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

It worked for me and I thought the ending expressed the point tom was wanting to make well, maybe the cause of death ie the crocodile is what made Juliet expect more, but I liked it, if it had been a plane old car accident or something then the story wouldn't have been interesting enough to read on and the point made at the end would have been lost. nobody

Cheers, Nobody. If you want to buy my book, visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

I think it’s easy to read, but agree with Juliet – I was expecting something else at the end. But having said that, if as tom_saunders stated, it is regarding ‘arbitrary absurdities of human life (and death) and insignificance of the individual without friends and family in the life of a city’, then I guess the ending is meant to give an ‘unsatisfying’ conclusion.

I'm gonna go against the grain here and say that the ending was a little predictable. I think you established the story very early on as one of those 'random happenings' stories, like Raymond Carver and Dave Eggers does - stories which refuse to follow the 'beginning - middle - end' formula. I like these kind of stories, but when a short short story starts with a perculiar incident and goes on to give arbitrary details, I'm usually expecting this direction - no emotional resolution, no story arc. However, I still think you need something surprising or strange, or poignant, to make the resulting reportage work, and while the matter-of-fact voice is fitting, I felt with this one that there is nothing of real interest after the initial opening paragraph. The explanation, and the ensuing events (catching and housing the crocodile,) just seem too ordinary. Couldn't the crocodile have made some nigh-on-impossible journey, for example, in order to arrive at that very point? That would be more unusual and intriguing - but I don't think it would detract from the empty absurdity of the man's death. Or, if you really want the croc's origin and eventual home to be mostly ordinary, I think it would work better to start with these explanations, and move the pivotal incident towards the end.

Novelty has never been the prime concern for me, Jon. Happy to leave that to others. The story you read might have been predictable, but you haven't convinced me it's the one I wrote. Mine has absolutely nothing to do with Carver or Eggers, that's for sure. A legion of other writers, perhaps. I wouldn't even mention those two writers in the same breath. It's all too easy to unbalance these very short stories. Too much about the crocodile the story becomes about the crocodile. Interesting story no doubt, but not mine. Give the man any sort of emotional transaction and you're into another, longer story. The fact that he barely exists is the whole point. He's almost a dream to the people in the park, an imprecise dream at that. I once watched an old lady being knocked down and killed by an out of control car; also gave evidence at the inquest. It was the complete lack of meaning or signification that has stayed with me. Thanks for the input, anyway. If you want to buy my book, visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

enjoyed this very much, the casual surrealism of the death, the anonymity of the dead man, the sense, for me, at least, that the pure logistics of the event, which have blended so swiftly into life, conceal something very important about life that needs to be noticed. i found the conclusion very satisfying, the final comment by the policeman almost like a koan, to be meditated upon. the only thing i would have liked to see was perhaps a touch more stylistic variety. i realise the prosaic narration is linked to the context, but, for example, rather than run two paragraphs in a 'this is the subject, this is what they said' format (ice cream seller said ... ; two girls said ...), what about starting the 'two girl' paragraph with the arresting statement: “He was dirty and his clothes were crumpled. Like he’d slept rough,” said one of two girls who were sunbathing near the bandstand ... ps have finally got round to ordering a copy of Brother What ... so something for me to look forward to there.

Thanks for buying the book, Ian. It means a lot to me. Thanks also for the comments. I think your suggestion is a good one and I'll do an edit. If you want to buy my book, visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

I think I fall in between both camps. I have sympathy with the 'better ending' brigade but I do understand what Tom is after - and, by and large, he achieves it. The only problem I have now is - is that achievement worthwhile? I have a lot of sympathy with this point of view but I want to rail against it, to scream that each and every human life is worthwhile - and each and every human life makes a difference, for good or bad. Here, there is nothing and I'm not sure that nihilism is worthy of report. Hmmm.

"I want to rail against it, to scream that each and every human life is worthwhile" So do I. That's why I wrote the story. If you want to buy my book, visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

Fair enough.