Lose this Skin by Mark Brown

I was drawn in immediately with the hot wool and hollow cymbals, which were intensely good descriptions of pain and ringing ears. I dont like the end, it seems too pat, too overstated. I think, overall, the best 200 worder yet.

My latest literary aversion is LY adverbs – there are two in this story of two hundred words (Cath had two in her first sentence), and I think they detract from an otherwise strong story that I liked a lot. I liked the way you took an almost surreal situation, and put it in a very real setting. (Sorry Cath, but I couldn’t resist)

I thought this was beautiful.

This is indeed very good. I think Mark may be on a mission to save the Amazon rainforest by saying more in 200 words than many writers manage in 20,000. Shorter stories, shorter books, preserve ancient tribal cultures. That's my line and I'm sticking to it.

Thank you for the kind words everyone. Foster, the '-ly' words advice is extremely(!) good and wise. I looked back over the story, and the '-ly' words were the haziest, most unfocused parts, as you say, telling not showing. I'm not overly happy with the ending either. As suggested it is a bit twist in the tale. A little tinkering might make it a bit less 'boom-tish' As you know from personal experience, Bukharin, I'm a man of few words, all of them about transvestites. It's fun writing these little buggers. Cheers, Mark

Jon McLeod So short and so interesting! REally awesome writing style! I absolutely loved it!