RE: Rachel (a short sketch)

Topic posted in response to Rachel (a short sketch) : http://www.abctales.com/story/curse-222/rachel-short-sketch

this piece, as is, was recently rejected by a short fiction anthology publisher. i was disappointed, but not completely surprised. i have a hard time editing myself and i ask you all for suggestions and criticisms. i understand what i am opening myself up for and am not interested in padding my reads. i'm just looking for honest help with this story. i will gladly return the favor for anyone interested. i thank you for your time and consideration.

jason