Helen and the Hours of Death by Jack Cade

Jack said he wanted help 'de-creakifying it' so here goes.

I liked it a lot, it felt like a sort of Phillip K Dick does ChickLit thing. The writing, especially the descriptive writing, is fantastic. Anyone who writes lines like 'the second hand which twitched like a beetle on it's back' needs no help from the likes of me.

The story didn't quite come together though, I think basically it wants two things, more of the other Helen, and a better murder (just running away doesn't cut the mustard, she needs to do something).

If it were me writing it, I'd make Helen more interested in the other Helen earlier, trying to discover what was going on, ringing up friends from work, checking her home e-mail account, that sort of thing. George less friendly and more threatening, make it some sort of drug that had to be taken to restore normality, and Helen, our Helen, somehow trick the other Helen into taking it (decant it into a gin bottle). But it ain't me writing it so you're on your own there.

And I don't like the last paragraph, I'd loose that entirely.